Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

I've only read the op here, but this was very timely :) I was going to post about punishment vs consequences and what is the difference? We are having...disobedience issues, I suppose is the best thing to call them, with my three year old. I feel it's become something that needs a consequence so she can learn no means no. But I don't want to punish her, I want her to learn.

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

It doens't require a consiquence to teach a child that 'no means no' -- all it requires is the parent making sure that every time they say 'no' the thing they said 'no' about does not occur. Then it becomes perfectly obvious what 'no' means... it means that the thing is absolutely not going to happen.

(Of course, 'no' is a fairly vauge word... it's not exactly easy to obey the word 'no' without processing the context and making a guess about the parent's implications. Many children find more specific instructions easier to follow -- such as 'stop' - 'be still' or 'hands off'.)

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

I do specify. Rarely do i even say "no" rather I say why she ought not to do what she wants.

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

i've only read up to the first response by aol

i like the op and i hope many find it useful.

but this is what i mean when i ask, if something i did is punitive: ''i am guessing at normal b/c for most of my life i've lived in a twisted, cruel, unreal world of my abusive caregivers. i have the right goals, i understand gbd. but half the stuff i do, whether it relates to my children or not, feels "off", feels wrong, feels punitive, feels wrong, feels sinful, etc. so, seeing as how i assume you nice ladies are not half as screwed up as i am, can you please look at this situation and reassure me that up is still in the direction i believe it's in"

changing paradigm, changing parenting, changing understanding of grace, starting over with God does not bring instant healing :no does not even bring swift healing in my experience :no it's taking time and in the meanwhile i need to know that i can rely on my sisters to tell me if i'm on the right track, although everything feels wrong. :shrug

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

:cup

I just found this and want to be able to find it again. This seems pretty helpful for me. Especially with my very, very, very close to 3.5 y.o. :yes

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

From my thread about my 3.5 Yo earlier I'm seeing that 3.5 is a trying time.

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

Re-reading this thread tonight. :ty3 for the insight, questions and reminders. I am off to make posters for my kitchen cupboards of the questions listed in the OP. One will contain a change I wanted to share. "Will my response teach them an APPROPRIATE pattern for how to act in the future?" Any response will teach a pattern, an appropriate one is harder and more important.

Things have been rough here lately. Answering the questions Crystal posted is on my prayer list for the next several days. Who do I want to be? What are my goals?

Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD
 

Thanks for posting this, Tickle Momster. I am relecting a lot lately, too and this thread is perfect for my current re-assessment. :yes :heart