Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

Between this message board and another one I was on when all of my older kids were small, I used to swear I would never interfere in my son's relationship, ever.
I've seen all the post from mothers who had to deal with their mother in-laws disagreeing with everything they did and I swore I'd never do that.
My son moved out of the house in 2010 with his girlfriend and she was all right but it didn't last and it wasn't long before he was single. It actually ended really bad because she cheated on him and he moved in with my mom and he didn't date again for a long time.
He did finally meet a girl and they eventually moved in together but she kept making derogatory comments to me about my son.
She complained how he never wanted to go out with her and she always had to go by herself and he defended himself saying well you want to go out to bonfires and party all night but I have to get up at 3 in the morning and go to work. She'd say...well sucks to be you then because I don't have to be work till noon and only work 4 hours a day.
I raised my eyebrows but stayed out of it because it's not my life it's not my relationship and Jack is a big boy.
Halloween of a year later, we stopped by his house to trick-or-treat there and I walk in and say hi to him and she looks at me and says don't talk to him only stupid things come out of his mouth.
I totally backtracked on everything I said I would never do and pulled him aside and said why are you with her. She is horrible. just because you're my son and not a girl, doesn't mean I will stand here and allow this kind of abuse to happen.
He nodded and agreed that it was bad.
At a family dinner he came to we all kind of ganged up on him and had an intervention of sorts. He admitted she's always talking down to him and always talks bad about him to her friends even when he's right there. She comes home from work and she screams and she yells and it's always a grouch.
Long story short, yes he did leave her thankfully.
He was single again for years after that until he met a girl while he was in college.
It was rather adorable how he told me. He said that he had gone out with a girl a few times and I said oh that's good it's really good that you're dating again. They said yeah she has a baby and I told him that is so sweet and he said yeah she gets jealous when we hug and gets in the middle
I'm all...:heart
Then, he said she's really into cars too. We sit around and talk about building cars together. I laughed and said oh my, son, you just met the one🤗
They just bought a house together, so I assume it's going well.
I've gone back to I am completely staying out of my son's relationship. As long as he is happy so am I.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

While I agree with staying out of their relationships when it comes to personality differences, etc. When it comes to my son being abused, that's where I draw the line. It is not loving to not step in when you see abuse.
If you don't like her because she is polar opposites with you - for me that would be b Kardashian loving, dressed to the nines, etc I'm ... not. I like my jeans, sneakers, tanks, t-shirts, or historically accurate 1890's dress. There is no in-between :roflol
If it's personality differences then yes, stay out of it, but if he is being abused it is absolutely loving to step in, point it out and help him get free. That is where the line will be for me.

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I agree. Staying out is correct, until there is abuse or danger.

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

It sounds like you have found a good medium of how to interact with your son.

And a complete off topic




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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I'm so glad to hear this. I always had that nagging guilt that I swore I'd accept whoever my son chose to be his other half.
He later told me he knew he wanted out, but splitting up would be messy, and it was.
I was so shocked that Halloween when she was horrible to him right in front of me. My little girls, 2 and 8, were right there, so I just got them out of there and finished out trick or treating. Later though, I went back and had a long discussion with him.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I needed this story. It’s like the “next chapters” forum after 9-teenager that we don’t have.
You’re a good mama.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I was wondering if we had a forum for being the parent of adult children.

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

Actually, we have MBA (125+) - Teens and Beyond, available in your CP under Member Groups.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I'm a brand new teen mom (eldest turned 13 three weeks ago).
I'm so glad to see this!

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

Awww. Thank you.
I parented through so many naysayers who thought I was ruining my child. When he got into some trouble at 17, I thought maybe they had been right and I should have been more strict on him.
He's amazing today. I'm so proud and a lot of those people who judged, their kids went wild after they left home, and never stopped.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I was told that my attachment parenting would result in clingy boys who would never leave my side. I was also told that not spanking them would ruin them. They grew up, joined the Marines, got married to wonderful women, had kids and are now amazing husbands and fathers.

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Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

Same!!!
My 2 older kids are very independent. My 7 year old is still very clingy, but I'm already in the morning knowing how quickly that is going to change.
actually, it's kind of odd. I look forward to it and dread it at the same time. One day she won't be constantly at my side, and I'll have so much freedom��
One day, she'll not want me all the time��

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

I didn't read any of the responses, but I am so glad you said something to him. My husband was in a really bad, verbally/mentally abusive marriage for 20 yrs. Once they separated, his family started telling him how relieved they were. That they knew before the wedding that she wasn't good for him and treated him and others around her poorly. I kinda wish they had spoken up then and potentially saved him from 20 yrs of abuse.

Re: Things I swore I wouldn't do.
 

For what it's worth, I've seen people try to warn people not to marry an abusive person, and I've never seen it do any good. All it did was damage the healthy relationship, making it that much harder for the victim to get help when they needed it.