As you transition from one child to two...
 

Transitioning from one child to two quite possibly can be the most harried, traumatic, stressful, questioning time of your life. You are still a newbie to the phase of life of your firstborn child and now have a second fragile life to manage. I remember feeling like life was impossible and that someone needed to come take these children because I had no idea what was going on, who I was as an individual, or what needed to be done to keep everyone happy and moving forward in life.

This transition is magnified if you add #2 within 2.5-3 years as you haven't had enough time to really develop as a mother and you are trying to find your footing and figure out what happened to your sweet 1st born who is now a whirling dervish of tears and tantrums AND nourish the body and spirit of the new babe AND still keep the house from being showcased on some sort of hoarding biopic AND still be attractive and pleasing to your hubby and...wait...isn't there something I keep forgetting...oh pooping and showering!!! Really, this phase of life is stressful.

I want to encourage you, New Mamas of 2 Little Ones, that you WILL survive this phase and so will your children. Yes, it is inordinately difficult and unpleasant. Yes, you will field criticisms from various venues but please tune them out. Your oldest probably will be wild and unruly for a little while because he/she is struggling how to function in this new life, too. He/she is very young and many of his/her age-appropriate behavior will be magnified and feel very overwhelming. Stay calm, have grace, breathe deeply, cry if you need, vent if you need, but know that you and your firstborn will grow past this.

Have grace with yourself. Let things slide like dinner from scratch, cloth diapers (if you need the laundry and poop break), your ladies' Bible study, taking dinner to families at church, even big family gatherings (which can be a breeding ground of heartless, thoughtless criticism). Let your family grow at their own pace and not at the pace of what your mom/dad/pastor/friend/co-worker/etc. thinks is "normal" or best. Hide yourself away, if you need. Protect your heart and your family from outside stress. It is okay to disappear for a while.

You have our full support here. We are with you every step and are praying for God's blessings in your family and are excited to see God develop love, grace, and intimacy in your lives. Take heart!!!!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

:bump for such a wonderful bit of advice and encouragement! :hearts :ty

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Awww! I love this. Thank you so much for the encouragement and support!! :heart:heart I hate feeling like I want to throw myself out of the kitchen windows sometimes.

Thank you :)


I love disappearing from people ......

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I wish I could have read this 2 years ago! :heart

I thought the transition was going to KILL ME. Truly. Add a baby that did not sleep and it felt like my life was over.

At four weeks pp someone at a birthday party asked how things were going and the words "It's pure hell." flew out of my mouth before I knew what happened. :bag

But it DID get better! And the transition to three was a piece of :cake2. :phew

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

:happytears :ty4 so much for that... I needed to read that right now so badly! Could I post that on my facebook wall by any chance? There are members of my family that totally need to read it! :yes

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

It is interesting to hear what different mothers say is the hardest transition. Mine has definitely been going from 2-3 and I would even say that 1-2 was easier than 0-1 for us.

I think it definitely depends on the spacing, personality of mama, personality and need level of the older child(ren), personality/need level of the new baby, pregnancy/birth/postpartum health, postpartum support, health of marriage, weather and ease of getting outdoors, etc.....

I do :heart and agree with your words of encouragement.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

absolutely!!!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I think I'm going to print this out and tape copies to every flat surface in my house when #2 gets here..... Bless you for posting this. Thank you!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I love this!!! It was just what I needed to read after getting a little less patient with my DD this past week! Thank you.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thank you. Since day one of finding out about number two, I've been worried about how dd1 will do when the baby gets here, and subsequently how we will respond when tired/stressed etc. She will be so blindsided by the baby since she does not even remotely get the concept of me being pregnant right now. So thanks for the assurance that though it will be hard, that if we just work through it in our own family's time and with God's hand on us that the hard times will pass.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thanks for this! I'll have to bookmark this for when #2 is in the works!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I think this would make a great sticky... :heart

Oh and I would add that this transition lasts quite a while, depending on your situation :yes. I hope no one reads this as only applying to the first couple weeks. Have grace with yourselves, mamas :heart

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Oh yea, 1 to 2 was definitely a trying time in my life. Especially since Ds1 was barely 2 when ds2 came along. BUT, we survived and thrived and even added a third ds to the group. And I definitely agree that 2 to 3 is a piece of cake. :yes

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

So well put, melody!!!! :heart

I'm on round 2 of "toddler + baby", AND I have older kids to help, and I STILL have a hard time remembering this season moves along and eventually passes. :phew even though I truly do know that it does.:yes


:ty

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Bookmarking this for a later time!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

:poke Now, couldja go back in time about a year and 3 weeks and post this? :giggle

I think this is awesome.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Oh I :heart this! :ty

The transition from 1-2 wasn't as hard as 0-1...But considering the hell that was 0-1 was that's not saying much, it was really hard. :O I still feel very :nails about getting preggo again...My Mom aid 2-3 was the hardest. But her first 2 were planned and #3 was a surprise at 8mos pp (born 15mospp). I think where Mama is at and all that plays a big part. :think

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

:clap

What a wonderful post! My second just turned 1 (and is sleeping through the night finally!) and boy this just sums it up perfectly! Thank you, this makes me feel good to know that I'm normal rather than "the worst mom ever" as I had felt like for the past several months!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thanks Mel! I needed this. I'm going to have my dh read it. After yesterday, and everything that's going on with a toddler and an infant, he doesn't know if he can handle more kids. It's nice to have some encouragement! :heart

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

It is so HARD... but easier than last week, and easier than last month, and easier than three months ago. Thank you so much! I feel unfit sometimes, like someone else would do a better job for my girls:yes. But little tidbits of advice and encouragement like this really lift and empower me. Thanks again!:heart

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Exactly what I need to read today. :ty

I'm thinking I should print it out and put it somewhere I'll see it everyday.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Amazing insight. I know I'll need this. Thanks so much Melody. You are an inspiration! :heart

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I saw a mom of a toddler and a baby in Ikea last week and wanted to go up to her and say "it gets easier" even though she didn't even appear to be having that tough of a time. Just seeing a mom with baby and toddler brought back those memories. Yes, it is hard. But it will get better.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I needed this two years ago. :heart
:giggle

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thanks for this thread :) I know it's a little old, but I really needed to read it today. We are preparing for #2 to arrive, and I'm worried about ds and how he'll do. It's good to read such encouraging words. I think I'll have to print this out when new baby arrives so I can read it whenever I need to :heart

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

And thank you for bumping it up! I am four weeks into the transition from 1 to 2, and I really, really appreciated reading the OP!

I think what I would like most is my evenings back, of just dh and I while children are sleeping. But, as you all have said, it's just another season of many. Thank you for the encouragement.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thank you so much for this thread, moving from 1-2 kids was the most stressful thing I have ever done in my life. It's encouraging to read that I am not the only mother who has felt like this.

We are now moving on to having number 3, hopefully it will be a breeze.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Sitting here with tears in my eyes having just found this thread at the perfect time-- after a rough night with Dd2, who is just three weeks old. Thank you for the OP and for the bump.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

umm....maybe this could be a sticky??

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I felt 1st baby was the hardest, the adjustment from self-centred life with zero experience with kids...to 1. 1->2 was a breeze, despite having luck to have two colicky boys. I don't think I am in the minority, actually.

Maybe it needs more balance? If I read this post before I had my 2nd I'd get depressed than necessary.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

My husband wants to try for baby#2 in May when DD1 will only be 18 months old. I'm slightly freaked out! Not sure if I'm ready for a 2nd baby when I'm just getting used to DD1... My husband said he wants to have our kids close together so that he can get a vasectomy. :( ugh...

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Can this be made a sticky? I think it would be good to keep this easily accessible!

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

This was such a sweet message. I am making that transition soon, and my heart aches for the lost time of the days of just me and my girl.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Just went from one to two three weeks ago. The stress makes me want to pack my bags and drive far far away. I needed this. :hug

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I really needed this!! thank you, I appreciate it. I love the part that says, "It's okay to disapear for a while." how freeing!! Thanks again.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

I have a feeling I'll need to re-read this in a few weeks...

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

*sigh* This is encouraging! I'm currently TTC no2 and I sway between excitement and What am I thinking? then I remember I felt the same way when ttc for Ethan.

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

Thank-you!

Baby #2 is overseas with my husband as we just adopted her and they can't come home till they get a Visa.

AND
I'm scared. I shared my feelings about parenting 2 kids with my mother but she didn't it and just said..."it's normal...everybody does it"

Well I am feeling scared. I am lucky to have my husband home till December but after that......how will I manage to respond to them both in a timely manner?

Re: As you transition from one child to two...
 

:ty

This does need to be a sticky for sure i needed this today thanks so much!