I am very angry right now with lieing!!
 

If there is one thing I cannot handle or stand it is lieing. I grew up with my older brother that always lied and still does. My kids went through a stage of lieing. I do have one child that I don't think lies but totally sees it in the light of one way, so I tend to not believe her ways as it is not seem accurate. Then my 5 yr. and 7 yr. old doesn't seem to tell me to the truth in fear that they will be in trouble which I don't understand as I just talk with them about it. It seems to be the 7 yr. old mostly.

Last night the towel rack we found broken on the toilet. Since the 7 yr. old locked the door we assumed it was him. Also, yesterday morning the cup in the bathroom was broken. He kept saying that he didn't do it. I kept telling him that I just wanted the truth. I said, "I don't believe you" and I want to believe you. I said if you keep not telling the truth I can't believe you. I had already asked everyone else and I really believe it was him.

This am I get up with no one else up and ask him. No, he tells me again. I said I am not going to get mad. I just want the truth! I said, God always wants the truth, and if I don't get the truth that yes I'm going to be mad. Finally, 5 minutes later he tells me that he doesn't want Daddy to be mad, but then tells me again that he didn't do it when I ask. Now I'm boiling!! I was soo calm, but I snapped. I told him I never believe him anymore, and he's a liar. I know not the right reaction at all.

Now I'm thinking of all of the things the last several weeks that I'd ask him that I thought maybe he was being untruthful about but I didn't know. The kids even with simple things would say he was lieing, and I'd say we have to believe what he says. I told him that I'm very angry at him right now. All of a sudden okay I'll tell you. Yes, I told him I'm not interested.

I'm just soo upset! I was being so calm and trying to just find out what happened. DH does have a tendency to yell at him which I keep talking to DH about, but I kept telling him that it was more important to tell the truth. It probably didn't help that he slapped him last night which will be in another thread.

Kelley

---------- Post added at 12:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:59 AM ----------

Oh and I was going to let him go on the computer, but I'm thinking of saying that I feel like I can't trust him so he's not going on the computer right now. Is that okay to say? Later we are supposed to go a "tuck a truck" I think it's called that the kids get to go on the truck. I think it's still okay to do that.

Re: I am very angry right now with lieing!!
 

:hug This article sums up the advice I would give.

Re: I am very angry right now with lieing!!
 

I think this incident is important to teach you something critical: even when you are "nice and calm" it's not meant to be a tactic for controlling other people. Telling him "I don't believe you" is not supposed to be part of making a child confess to a misdeed -- it's supposed to be the end of the conversation, so you can both carry on with life... Without being distressed by lies. Lies are an ordinary part of childhood. The only reason to say "I don't believe you" is to show him his lie isn't working.

You could have cut out all this unpleasantness and just said, "I don't believe your words. I believe what really happened was xyz. So, because I believe xyz, what's going to happen is... Maybe remove the lock from the bathroom door, plus charge him a repair fee for the damage, maybe go to the store and have him buy repair items and/or help with the repair... Stuff like that."

His action have noting to do with computers or trucks. As for "trust"... I think trusting a child to be verbally truthful 100% of the time is a foolish thing to do as a parent. If you've lost that trust, good. Now you can have reasonable expectations about this. Lies are going to happen. It's not wise to take kids at their word, and it's fine for them to know it.

Re: I am very angry right now with lieing!!
 

Darn, I swear I will Never Ever get this. I keep trying, but I do it all wrong. I was soo frustrated, and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I just want to be a good mom. Yesterday when a few projects were taken out I asked him if he took them out, and he said no. I don't know if it was the truth, but I know Ifeel like I can't trust him.

Later on he told me that he did do it. He accidentally breaks a lot of things. He was trying to climb up on it and jump from it to get a box of cereal. Yes, I have a stock pile of cereal in the bathroom. I had him tell DH too. I talked with him about the difference between his weight and the weight of towels. I kept asking DH what he was going to do about the broken rack. Next thing I know he just fixed it when I said to him previously about Jacob helping to fix it. So I was thinking that the natural consequence was for no computer time since he had asked for computer time, and then this happened. I'm so frustrated as I feel like I never know what in the world I'm doing. I handle it all wrong, and then I go into give-up mode as I've said before. Ahh I just want to do at least some of this right. Gosh, please help me to do something right Kelley!

Re: I am very angry right now with lieing!!
 

Kids lie.

Perfectly normal, going to grow up and be healthy, productive citizens of the world lie.

Many times, they seem to do so in direct proportion to parental anxiety about it. :hugheart

Stop engaging with him; and stop pleading for the truth.

Instead:

"The towel rack is broken. We need to fix it. Let's get the nails and hammer."

Is disrespect for property a running theme?