huge melt down when sister leaves
 

Margaret is having awful fits when ever her sister leaves to go play with a friend away from her. They play together a lot and Cecilia is really good about including her sister but sometimes she wants to jsut be with her friends and I respect that..
However the blood curling screaming in my ear over it isn't okay eaither.. I wouldn't mind holding her ect to help ehr through but
1) shes wont let me
2) the screams physcially hurt

I'd also be open to ways to help her transation into something else but so far nothign seems to help..

Honestly I've gotten to where Ive told her if she can't calm down she can fuss in her room till she is ready to calm down.. I have no idea if its appropiate or not but so far its the only thing that remotly seems to work..

Totally open to ideas or suggestions though.

Deanna

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

How old is she?

Honestly, it's okay to tell her she can fuss in her room if she wants to keep fussing. I give a reasonable amount of snuggling and empathy in situations like that, and try to distract and redirect, but after that, they need to either move on or move away so I don't lose my sanity. And if it's working, then I say stick with it.

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

she is 2 (March birthday)

Deanna

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

That was the age I started putting Shrimp in his room. :shrug The door was open and he could come out - it just gave me some space. :)

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

At two I'm fine with them showing disappointment. THey don't really know how to express it yet, so I either move myself away (after making sure they are safe) or I put them somewhere away that is safe (their room)

Evie is now, at 3, able to be distracted with "something special just for her" when her sisters get to do something because they are older. It can be any number of things depending on what Im doing or how tired I am, but it works 90% of the time now. Two was about when we started that. Evie is also starting to understand that she won't be little forever and she'll be able to go do the fun things that her sisters are doing now.

But at two that looked like sisters/daddy leaving, Evie tantruming, me ignoring, Evie wanting snuggles, me explaining that she won't be little long, but right now she is and does she want something special just for her while they are gone :)

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

If there's any way to be proactive, I'd try that. For instance, Sissy is leaving in 20 minutes, so you have "mommy/big girl time) during that transition. Painting toenails, a bubble bath, something that she will enjoy. Start that about 5 minutes before sissy leaves and have it cross over that leaving time.

If a child is screaming like that, I don't think there is anything wrong with telling them they need to calm themselves away from me. I think 2 is about the age I started giving them every opportunity to calm themselves and if they were unable to and obviously didn't want my help, then yeah, move them into their room.

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

no transation time.. Its eaither my oldest sees her friend from the window and bolts outside to play or the friend rings our doorbell and they run off...

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

gotcha, so yeah, I would offer to do something with her once she calms herself down.

Re: huge melt down when sister leaves
 

I do the same thing, so glad that I am doing it right.