i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

My dd will be 2 in may and I am expecting in October. My patience is non existent... I. Zam sick all the time I can hardly get off the couch. she watches WAY to much Tv... she also has never been a good sleeper. She is finally sleeping longer at night but is having a very hard time falling sleep, most nights it's like 2 hrs of fighting and her going to bed between 11pm and 1 am. This week she has dropped her nap and is falling sleep much easier and between 8-9 pm. The problem with no nap is she is sooooo fussy by like 6. I'm losing my mind!!! Tonight I was so mean to her:( I feel so terrible! I feel like a terrib mommy. I cant do anything wifh her... but tonight was the worst i think. she was so tired. Tonihht ahe went from playing to screaming her head off in about 30 secs i needed to change her diaper and put jammies on before foing to bed. But she was a monster kicking my belly, screaming, triying to get away.... i lost it. I started screaning at her and and it was really all I could do to keep myself from shaking her... it was very scary for me so I can't imagineed how she felt:(

What do I do? How do I handle having no patience? Normally I have so much... it has for be the pregnancy. But I can't yell at her like that again... help!!!

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

I would wake her up earlier so she will take an earlier nap and keep the nap short.

My current 2yr old wakes up around 8am lays down for a nap after lunch (about 2 hours) and by nap I mean she's in the bedroom...some days she just plays quietly but most of the time she'll go to sleep fairly quickly. She's typically ready to go to bed for the night around 8:30pm

Other kids when they were 2....#1 about the same as above. #2 I swear he never ever slept. :shifty #3 started dropping her nap around 2-2.5 but then would go to bed around 7pm.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

If she's dropping her nap, I would try to get her to bed earlier. What time is she waking up?

My oldest was yours age when I was pg with #2. :hugheart

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug

It's not easy being pregnant and mothering a two-year-old.

What would happen if you skipped nap and she went to sleep by 6:30. That's about the time ours go to sleep when they drop nap (well, anywhere from 5:45-7, depending on when they got up). Yes, it means we don't do a lot of evening things, but it also keeps me sane. ;)

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

She wakes up around 830-930 but she doest get tired until 5 usher and when she naps that late night time is a disaster

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

my 2 y.o's have all woken around 5:30-6, not napped & been in bed for the night around 6pm. (for the night might still involve night nursing & always involves snuggles as I cosleep) The amazingly early bedtime is necessary for my sanity.

my worst parenting is always when I;m preg :hug

:nak

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

I would try implementing a routine for her. She sounds overtired. I think she is too young to completely drop her nap. Too much TV could also be a culprit. Check out the book "No-Cry Sleep Solution" for some ideas.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Kids vary. One of mine was DONE napping by 2. If what you are doing now is not working, try something else! You have time to get a routine that works for you both down before the new baby comes.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

All mamas make mistakes. :heart It's important to forgive yourself. :heart

I would try letting her nap but only for 1/2 hour or so.
I was really nauseous during my 1st trimester with dd2. :hugheart We read a lot of books so that I wasn't chasing her so much.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Your story sounds very similar to mine, except that Kitten was almost 4 when I was pregnant with Monkey. I actually had a "personality change." I had never lost my patience with Kitten before, and I started yelling at her during my pregnancy. I also was very sick and couldn't get off of the couch for most of the pregnancy and I was in some crazy pain for most of it. I was depressed, and I learned in my second trimester that I was severely anemic. (It wasn't caught with the routine tests - my chiro told me to get my ferratin checked, and that was waaay too low.)

Kitten and I sat on the couch all day watching Nick Jr. (It was called something else back then.) Before then, she was only allowed about 45 min of TV per day. But we literally sat together and watched TV all day long because I simply couldn't do anything else. DH did all the meal prep and laundry. :heart

I spoke with my naturopath, my homeopath, and my midwives about my grumpiness, and nobody took me seriously. Everyone, even me, chalked it up to pregnancy hormones. I'm not sure if there is really anything to be done about it, but I was just horrified that I was yelling at Kitten when I never had before. I was always so patient and kind with her in the past.

I would at least get your ferratin checked because anemia can make you grumpy. Thyroid issues can also make you grumpy and pregnancy can whack out your thyroid.

As for the napping - Kitten dropped naps at age 2 and I had to be very strict about bedtime after that. I believe we were in bed at 6:00 for story time and lights out at 6:30. She was always a very early riser though, so we were up at 5:00am every morning. But if we weren't in bed doing stories on time, the evening was a nightmare until I could get her to sleep.

Hugs to you during this difficult time.:hug2

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

another vote for a 7 oclock bed time. get her teeth,diaper,pj's before she gets too tired..slip her some calms4kids about 10 minutes before do bed time stuff (nurse..whatever)

:hug

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug2

I would try possibly waking her up a bit earlier and inducing an earlier nap via stroller or car for a few days to help "reset" her clock.

Can you stick her in the tub at the grumpy hour? Or even playing with water in the sink.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug2 Another vote that she sounds waaay overtired in the evening.

Doing a short nap might be good...that never worked for us. Lydia would sleep for 2-3 hours and waking her up she was just sooo grumpy. So we dropped the nap and went to a 6 pm bedtime (started books and jammies then, asleep by 6:45).

We also did quiet time after lunch where I would rest/doze on the couch while she watched a video. That time of zoning out really seemed to help her make it to bedtime more easily.

At first, we couldn't drive anywhere after about 4 b/c she would fall asleep. I tried to do activities in the afternoon that didn't involve fine motor skills...nothing frustrating...just playing outside or taking a long bath (I would roll out a sleeping bag in the hallway so I could rest and keep an eye on her).

It will take some experimenting to see what works for you both. :hug2

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Oh and definitely snacks and nursery rhymes/songs to avoid disasterous car naps. Not sure how verbal your child is. At 2 mine could fill in the blanks of favorite nursery rhymes..... "one two, buckle my _____"

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

my best "giving up naps" tricks are to make sure there is a mid-day rest time (before they get too tired and actually fall asleep b/c none of mine have done well if woken from a "short nap"), to have an extra good-energy afternoon snack and to be sure we get some big energy outside time at some point. avoid the car in the late afternoon. make the bedtime routine short.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Both my older two quit napping by 18 months. We have always had a 7pm bedtime.

I definitely think she sounds OVER tired, and I bet you see great improvement with an earlier bedtime. :yes She is going to have lots of problems if she has been in the habbit of an 11 to 1am bedtime on any regular basis. (I realize you tried to get her asleep earlier than this. :hug ) Sometimes when we try to do bed after they reach that tired point (usually much earlier than most people think) then it really CAN take hours for them to finally fall asleep.

I really like the idea of water play/bath for the "witching hour" as it's called in many homes.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hugheart My two are the same age apart and that pregnancy was HARD. My oldest was so difficult and I remember being 8 months pregnant, recovering from a hospital stay (had H1N1), and trying to restrain him while he hit and kicked me. Try some of the things PP's suggested. And know that it WILL get better :hug

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

I really feel like for the most part skipping the naps have helped. We are in bed much earlier and falling asleep isnt a fight. And yes she is very grumpy before bed time but if i put her to bed earlier wont she just wake up earlier? If she is sleeping from say 8pm-9am and i put her to bed at 6pm then she will wake up at 7am and still be awake the same amount of time and still be grumpy? I am also scared to put her to bed that early because she also has started about once a week waking up around 3am and thinking its morning.... not fun when your sick:(. Is this a normal 2 yr old thing? Anyway Since she only sleeps if im next to her i would much rather keep the times we have now. But i do think i will get her ready for bed earlier so we can just lay down at 8 and go to sleep. As far as short naps thats normally all she did anyway. I will also try bathtime around 7usher. Thanks

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

You have gotten some good advice but I wanted to add, I recommend to cut the tv out. I think that overstimulates them in a bad way and interferes with sleeping. Even if it gives you peace and quiet at the time, the long term cost of it is not worth it in my opinion.

Set up your days with a loose structure to them (for example, breakfast, play outside, morning rest, read a book, lunch, inside play, afternoon snack...) And I don't mean you have to play with her, just let her figure out what to do and she can be near you while you are working on whatever you need to do. The routine helps you and them in so many ways.

It is a busy and tiring time of life. :hug

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

From my personal experience, going to be earlier has gotten them to sleep longer and better once they drop naps. It seems counter intuitive, but it works.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug pregnancy turns me into an ogre I struggle so muchbwith kindness...ethic just common descencey. :bag I wish I had helpful suggestions... my only advice is that I have found- I rarely parent the way I want to when pregnant, we celebrate the goood days...and watch too much Tv and eat snacks on the couch on the bad. It is a season...lower your expectations, celebrate small successes (I'm talking *small* ) and try to enjoy moments of the ride. Welcoming another person into your life means you will never parent the same...and it changes with each new person that comes. because even when they are smaller than a grain of rice they are changing the dynamic...stretching more than your skin in preperation for their place in your pves..mit is ok to struggle, to grieve the changes...you guys will get to the new place and you'll wonder how you ever were with out the newest memmlber. :hear

Sorry if that :up is a bit preachy ..nak and hurrying :bag

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

I thought it woul make them wake up earlier too, but that hasn't been true for us. If they've not had enough sleep, and I put them to bed earlier, they sleep later. My 3.5 had a messed-up week last week and was up late. This week, she's been going to bed between 7-8 and sleeping until 8-9 a.m. Yep. 13 hours sttn. It's glorious. :shifty

Well, it'd be more glorious if her younger sister did the same thing. :doh

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

You've gotten good advice about the nap dropping transition. That's a hard transition! Do you think that's the main issue? Pregnancy can bring out our worst parenting sometimes. There may be more that can help you to find balance. :hug

What are areas you're willing to let go? For instance, would it be helpful if you didn't have to struggle to get pj's on and just let her sleep in a diaper with extra blankets or the thermostat turned up or maybe just letting her sleep in her clothes?

Does her watching tv bother you because you have strong beliefs on this subject or are you concerned that it isn't what good parents do? Do you think extra tv is affecting her sleep? If you're only bothered because of what others might think, try to let that go. If it is something more, reflect on that and decide whether it's a big enough deal for you to try and cut back or if you are actually okay with it for this season in your lives.


Is it feasible to get a slide or something in your house for her to practice some gross motor skills while you rest nearby? A slide in the living room can get toddler energy out while mommy is able to stay nearby, on the couch, and rest.

What can your DH do to help you? Can he take over bedtime? Is there any area that he can take over for this season?

:hug it'll get better. Nap dropping plus pregnancy is really hard!

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Also, a little bit of letting you know you are not alone... When I was pregnant with DD2 I was very very angry all the time... rage-y really. I could not stand being touched one more time... ever. She was still waking up 2398529845 times at night... it ended immediately with birth. I was fine.

When I was about 5 months along I got to where I could bite my tongue and walk away and cry and hit something instead of wanting to take it out on dd1. I remember that feeling of wanting to just shake her.... I remember it vividly one time that I actually grabbed her and picked her up in front of me before my senses kicked in and I just hugged her instead of shaking her. :(

But it did end... and I've never had that with another pregnancy.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Thanks guys I'm just glad I'm not the only one... and I do need to lower my standards for myself. I am to hard on myself. I hate that she watches to much TV. But only cause it makes me feel like a bad mom. I honestly don't care to watch cartoons all day:) I just wish I wasn't so grumpy. I totally get the not wanting to even be touched. I really really wanted to let her wean herself but it's so painful and I can't stand for her to touch me when she nurses. So we are down to just bed time. But she broke my heart the other day. I was laying on the couch and she climbed up on me and laid her head on my chest and I asked her what she was doing and she said I miss your wawa's mommy. Wawa's is what she calls them. Oh my gosh I just sat there and cried... I feel like I'm failing her:( I knew once the baby came things would be different but I didn't think being pregnant would be so hard:(

---------- Post added at 02:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:15 PM ----------

Oh and i wish dh could do bed time but she is so much of a moms girl daddy cant get near her unless its on her terms... im planning to make him do more with the new baby. He worked 3rd shift when dd was little and all she had was me and. Now that he is home she wont let him help.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

IME 2yr old's (except my #2 :shifty) average 11-13/14 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. :shiftyYeah I've added it up:giggle

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

It IS hard. :hug2 we had an I miss nursing moment like that too. I soooo wanted to let DD1 wean herself too. My body just didn't like nursing while pg or tandem nursing. :( But you aren't failing her, Mama. You are still there for her, and this will be a time of learning to connect and love on each other in other ways.

It is okay to mourn the loss of the nursing relationship you wanted too. :hug2

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

Just going to nod in agreement about early bedtimes. my 18 month old and 3 year old go to bed at 6. :yes

I think this is a great time for you all to build a really solid sleep routine. Take a few weeks and figure out what works for you then you'll have the whole summer to get it set.in.stone. before the baby comes. My kids know that we do XYZ every single night. We eat dinner, do chores, teeth & PJs, one song, sleep. It could be 4:30 or 10:30 and they'd fall asleep because those actions in a row = sleeping time. :giggle

I'd also encourage you, as you teach her this new routine, to have daddy heavily involved for easier transition once baby comes. :yes :heart

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug it is hard. It's a big change. You aren't failing her. Things may not be ideal for this transitional season of your lives but you're not failing her. :hug

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

What if you left the house a couple of nights a week? (coffee shop, grocery shopping or whatever) The Dh and DD could learn to do bedtime on their own.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

We eased Lydia into bedtime w/ Daddy. He started supervising bathtime and reading to her, then I would go nurse her to sleep. (And I get it, b/c DH was deployed her first year, so I was THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE PERSON TO FALL ASLEEP WITH for a long time. ;))

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

btdt very recently :hugheart

so, from our experience:
it did no good trying to get the 2 yo down earier/later/nap/no nap. she was a terror all the same :giggle it was a phase, it's over, we just had to survive it.

it had everything to do with *my* sleep and overall well-being. i used melatonin to get sufficient sleep. if you don't know much about it, do a search here, i and other users posted extensively about it in Natural Health :)

do you have symptoms of adrenal fatigue? my fav. website source for info about it is drlam.com
if so, consider treatment. now is the time. leaving AdFa untreated will affect the unborn baby.

even under the best of circumstances it's hard :hugheart hang in there.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

A basic routine and an early bedtime really helped when we stopped having Elliot nap (he was around 2). We found even a 30 minute nap meant he was up until 10pm.
Sounds like you need a break too! Is there someone who can let you have an afternoon to yourself to relax?

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

If I could only get dh to agree lol. No she really is hard to get to sleep. The only way she will fall asleep is nursing or in the car. Even for me...that's why we still nurse at night I don't know how on earth we will ever completely stop nursing... I am going to try to get dh to help more on the getting ready for bed thing though.

Tonight as been much less stressful. We did bath at 7. teeth, jammies, snack and story. THen I asked if she was ready for bed and she said yes and climbed in our bed:) she really is a sweet sweet girl just very opinionated! Lol.

---------- Post added at 08:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:29 PM ----------

Probably but most times I'm to proud to ask for help. I'm used to being super mom and doing everything. I feel more like a failure when I admit I need help. One day last week. She woke up at 230 am like it was morning. I was so sick and so tired and so grumpy. I finally broke down and took her to my inlaws . I hated it because she knew I was upset and was clinging to me crying and I hate making her upset. Ug! this week i have been spending a lot of time with my sister so she has interaction and I can lay on the couch.

Re: i need help from mammas with 2+ kids
 

:hug2 Got it. I didn't realize she nurses to sleep when I suggested that.