Negative Perception of People
 

I will admit that I struggle with this. I have a difficult time separating a person's quality of character from their beliefs on certain topics, and sometimes I wonder if I'm normal or just an overly judgmental shrew.

Case in point - I had been looking over this really awesome, crunchy woman's website. She has some really neat, healthy, and fun recipes on her site for people who have various food sensitivities. One of the tabs on her page was for parenting advice. Thinking to myself, hey,this lady is pretty crunchy. I'll bet she has a totally gentle approach to parenting! Getting all excited, thinking I'd come across another Christian momma gently raising her children, imagine my surprise when her entire parenting section was like a giant advertisement for the Ezzos' parenting books. :sick

She went on and on about how BW saved her life, because she thought motherhood was going to be so great, until she got no sleep during the first week, and how BW solved that problem. Later in her articles she endorses GKGW and encourages people to find a church that teaches the classes. Am I crazy in assuming that if someone is crunchy enough to eat kale chips and vegan ice cream that it wouldn't make sense they endorse the Ezzos? :shrug3 Oh Lord! What if I'm a bigger hippie than the rest of the hippies?! :nails

I just wonder if this is a classic case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. It's like my perception of this lady is tainted now and I cannot bring myself to enjoy reading the other really good information on her website. Does that sound strange?

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

I struggle with this with people I know in real life, relatives and such. Parenting can be so polarizing. Even if in my head I can say, 'Yeah, it's their kid, they can parent how they choose,' I can't make myself not care.

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

I think it's really easy to get caught up in the 'checklist issues' and forget that there are people behind them, who ostensibly are making the best choices for their families with what they know to be true. It doesn't mean I can't be disappointed or that I have to be bff's with people who parent much differently...but it's simplistic to think that one part of a person is the sum of that person. We're all flawed and nuanced and when people share some of our philosophies, it doesn't mean that they are just like us. :shrug The people I've disagreed with most have made me think the most and hone my own philosophies and beliefs. The world would be a terrible and boring place if everyone was just like us.

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

Very true. But when it comes to Ezzo, I've seen people who use it "sensibly" (if you can call it that) and I've seen people not feed a hungry newborn because it wasn't 2.5 hours and the same baby end up in the hospital for testing because of lack of weight gain, quite probably FTT. I don't want them to be just like me...I just want them to feed their poor baby.

ETA: Maybe I'm a little raw regarding Ezzo right now...

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

I'm not saying you have to agree or like it :hug just that it isn't healthy to view a person as bad or unworthy because of their choices.

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

The thing is that AP is really not related to parenting choices. The Pearls recommend EC and natural living. They even sell herbs. Their followers tend to breastfeed and look very crunchy. In fact, if you see a crunchy family and the mom seems impossibly gentle and her children obey her softly spoken commands immediately and sweetly, you are almost certainly seeing Pearl followers. :yes3

I have not known Ezzo followers to be so crunchy, but it certainly is not unheard of. :hug2

I can totally understand why that knowledge would leave a bad taste in your mouth and cause you to be suspect of everything else she says. :yes3 I tend to feel the same way. If she believes that, what else might she believe? I would think it safe to take cooking advice from her. :hug2 But I understand why you might want to just delete her bookmark instead. :shifty

---------- Post added at 03:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:02 PM ----------

I just remembered that once I joined an AP Christian group and was informed it was against the groups SOB to argue against spanking. :jawdrop I asked how they could reconcile AP with spanking and was edited and chided. :doh Not the place for me. :no

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

This is something I struggle with too.

Like, if a theologian is totally off the rails in one aspect, why would I read her (or his) other books? And yet, there are some theologians that are *fabulous* in one (or more) areas, despite their complete lunacy on some tangent. :giggle

My pastor is really challenging me to move beyond the "why bother" mindset because it really does cut me off from some amazing books. It's just a question of having a well-calibrated hooey-meter that can flag the scary stuff. And that takes practice too, especially in a new field.

Hence why we're meant to live/learn/work mostly in community, probably, so that I can say, "Hey, what do you think about this?" and get feedback from others. :giggle

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

An important point. :yes :ty

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

counterfit crunchies really burn me up :shifty

like the Pearls. dont try to look all AP and be spanking your baby :sh2

i dont feel its necessary to force myself to deal with any unpleasentness *that i dont absolutely have to ..


so i dont even stick around long enough to flesh out any negative perceptions :shrug3 move on and find people who build you up

ETA: i think im where you're at, but at this point in at time im ok with it

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

I'm glad I'm not crazy then. I do pray that I won't be judgmental. I know that there are many people out there who do BW thinking it's actually good for their baby (the whole belief that rigid structure makes babies feel secure) without being as extreme as the Pearls in other areas of their parenting. I think it's just that I'm so used to seeing patterns in life that, usually, if a parent is very rigid about parenting they're likely to be a little less crunchy on issues like diet, vaccinations, toys, education, etc., although I know a great many punitive parents who are big on holistic healing and are anti-vax :shrug3

I struggle with processing the separation, as I tend to be rather hippie about most things, across the board (although I do tend to be a little more conservative in my political views).

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

i have a fb friend who identified herself jokingly as 'crunchy con' ( as in conservative)
because she baby wears, breastfeeds, eats organic produce ,and votes Republican i guess :scratch

but she was posting one morning about having handed out 12 spankings before breakfast :glare

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

I haven't read other posts, but a lot of people in my church are VERY "crunchy" when it comes to their diets, household cleaners, cloth diapering etc. and some are AP when it comes to nursing into toddlerhood and cosleeping (some others are Babywise followers) however my entire church as far as I know is very VERY VERY pro spanking and pro Pearls, not gentle at all, ever, past early infancy.

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

:(

currently struggling to break through in this area actually in our home group. I also find actually that the reverse is true- it is hard to get past these issues which are the be all and end all to the people we are in home group at church with. They are judging us wrongly because they have read and believe the Ezzo definition of Attachment Parenting (I read it in the GKGW books a friend lent me). Got to try to get past the totally wrong definition, show we have boundaries and different ways of placing them (in different places!) as well as get past our perception of them. Have thought about leaving the group because breaking into real fellowship is so slow... but if we do that, who is getting alongside them????? I do have a hard time remembering they love their children as much as we do and that they are doing what they think is best. Partly that is because they spend so much time boasting about their Ezzo methods (without naming Ezzo but it's as clear as day) and what they are doing with their children. :(

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

This EXACTLY describes a family in our neighborhood. It was really tough when I found out they were Pearl followers (during a conversation about how awesome having your own grain mill is). And I'm also dealing with 'throwing the baby out the with bathwater' thing while church-hunting. We were visiting a church for a while, heard great stuff for 5 months, and then BAM, something about God's punishing us is supposed to hurt and everything is tainted. :no When it comes to parenting, I really try hard not to judge any parent who is trying to do the best they can for their children, even if they picked the wrong best advice to follow :yes. If they aren't pushing their philosophy on me or others we can probably get along in other areas.

Re: Negative Perception of People
 

If it helps, the punitive crunchies feel as disappointed when they realize that we are GD/GBD as we feel when we realize that they are punitive.