[shirelingmum]

I think I am crazy. And I know what I am doing is wrong. Not just screaming but yanking them around, shoving them, pulling hair, grabbing faces...blind rage. Screaming, bellowing and yelling. You would never know I knew a thing about grace much less Christ. It's disgusting. They yell at each other all the time...I can't stand to be around them...I exile them to play in their room constantly...my poor little 7 week old must have gotten so used to me screaming when pregnant it doesn't seem to phase her
My spirit is dry from not spending time delving into the water of the Word...I am at a total loss. Hormonal doesn't even begging to describe how I feel. My poor hobbits need relief from me-I have become so punitive and nasty and mean that they don't even enjoy me anymore-they flinch whenever I am near...scream foul frustrated things at me and each other...I can't even help them navigate through their own big feelings because I don't even know how to control my own. I do t know what the triggers are bEcause it's everything. Counting...removing myself...deep breathing...none of it works....I don't know what to do....sobbing right now because I am so freaked out and shamed at myself and angry and upset that I say I love children...but am basically just abusive....all the time. Please help. And please move this somewhere more private if possible. Thanks .