[mamahammer]

Yesterday was less than spectacular, including a moment when my 4yo spilled water and wet playdough all over my newly mopped floor while doing an "experiment" and I threw a broom to the floor so hard it shattered. And she ran away crying. In my head, I knew that I was too upset and too emotional and about to do something I would greatly regret - but in that moment, I couldn't find my way out

I went to her and to the 6yo who was also there and held them both and cried. Apologized for the 1000th time for not being the mother I should be.

I'm just not sure what it is about those moments. They're not all the time - 99% of the time, spilled water and wet playdough are just normal events that require towels and cleaning But yesterday? Not so much. I was working so hard to get the house clean because my husband was working 18 hours that day and I knew it would make his coming home so much more peaceful if he came home to a clean house. But that kind of all-out cleaning doesn't come naturally to me. And at 2, 4 and 6, sometimes the kids create more work even as they're trying to help.

I know that my reaction yesterday was just as bad as if I had hit one of them. It does that kind of damage, I'm sure. And I am not even sure how to self-parent my way out of it. What do you do when your mind is saying, "Stop!" but your body keeps going into anger?