Quote:
Originally Posted by sstarcake
This is a great thread. Eye opening, even. But what about the 3 year old that still says "NO!" to the direct command? That's where the 5 steps comes in, no?
The 5 steps in this house just end up looking like me (struggling to maintain my composure) physically dragging said 3 year old (who is doing the limp noodle thing, while whining "no....no....no....") around, cleaning up toys or whatever. Me holding her hand closed over the toy, then prying her hand open to release it into the box.....
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Okay, I'm going to answer this-and you're probably not going to like my answer much
I want you to know though, that when I asked this same exact question-and I got the same exact answer I am about to give-I hated it too. And it was right. And I'm not sure I'm feeling so great about that. BUT...I definitely commiserate.
So if the 3yo is melting down all over the 5steps and you end up walking them through things in that manner you can:
1) Use playful parenting
2) Use when/then statements ("When you've finished then we get to have a snack!")
3) Simply and calmly remind them that nothing else will happen until they are ready to clean up so they can take all the time they want but it's gonna happen (which is not always possible depending upon the situation but it IS an option).
4) Have a routine or set them up for success with fewer toys or a "one toy out at a time rule."
5) Reflect feelings and calmly reinforce that it needs to happen and so you will help them through it.
And yet...there's still a possibility that you're just going to have a child that NEEDS to go through a phase there they are screaming and melting down as you help them through as they learn that Mommy's words have meaning and we need to clean up after ourselves. And that's miserable.
Sometimes all of the "tricks" just don't "work" because happy isn't the only acceptable emotion and you have a child who feels very strongly about certain things and has zero issues with expression those feelings very very loudly.
---------- Post added at 09:38 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:36 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy Piadosa
Maybe I am missing something, but saying "please" in our culture does not equal a question, so please does not make a request optional. Even law enforcement use please, when asking for your paperwork after pulling over.
In my very black and white thinking grammar rigid home:
Please do abc. = Do abc now.
Will you do abc? = Do you have any plans in the future to do abc?
Can you do abc? = Are you capable of doing abc?
I want abc done. = Expressing a want, not a command or request. (response often is "I want xyz done.")
Time to do abc. = Timekeeping, not nessesarily directed at the audience. (response often is "yeah, so")
Would you do abc please? = a request
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In our house a direct command uses the words: "You need to"
It's not necessarily the presence of "please" that makes it a question -it's the wording that presents it as an *option*.