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Old 03-09-2011, 02:56 PM   #41
bolt.
Rose Trellis
 
 
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Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

I'm not sure what you mean about him not being at an age where it's appropreate to remove toys that are part of a conflict anymore... just because it makes him upset? Of course it upsets kids to remove things they enjoy. That (in itself) does not mean it's not an age-appropreate strategy.

But if teaching 'in the moment' is working for you -- if it diffuses the situation and leads to good things, then it's probably a good strategy. They'd probably learn faster if you also did some focused instruction in how to get allong, without there being a situation at-hand as well. I consider calm-times teaching much more pro-active than situational intervention, because it can be cohesive and more straightforward, rather than the kids having to put together what they've learned from a wide variety of situations.

What I mean is that it doesn't so much matter how a parent diffuses a conflict situation, as long as that's not the only time good skills are being taught and re-enforced... simply because instruction that is being recieved while a person is under stress or emotionality is less likely to 'stick' well and/or less likely to be integrated into future behaviour choices.
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