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Old 04-25-2007, 11:23 AM   #36
Elena
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Default Re: Discussion of "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary

This is great! Thanks for sending me over here! This is all sounding vaugely familiar, maybe I checked this out from the library before and skimmed over it. I tend to do that a lot with books. It sounds like I need to give it another look.

I am wondering about the four levels of support and where I need to be with dd. In most ways I would place us in the Parent as Teacher Level, but I think I failed miserably at the Parent as Comforter stage when she was younger and I had her brothers 15 months apart. I felt I didn't have anything left of myself to give to her not to mention I think I expected much more out of her than I should have at the time added to the fact that I never learned these skills myself growing up............ I think I have guilt about that and is why I'm having trouble knowing when to draw the line with her emotional reactions now. Hmmm. Will have to consider this a bit more. Maybe we're on both levels- me offering a quick moment of comfort but then moving on to teaching her how to self- calm.

I have tried giving her appropriate ways to self calm before but some of them make her even angrier. Deep breathing does wonders for me in the heat of the moment but if I ask her to take a deep breath she starts yelling, that makes me more mad!!!! She even told me once that hearing me take a deep breath makes her more angry. Anyway, two things I realized while reading this: I need to talk to her about different methods of calming herself BEFORE she gets angry! And, there are a lot of ways I hadn't thought of! I'm even thinking of making a list so she or I can quickly get an idea in a moment of crisis.

Thanks again. I will keep checkin in on this.
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