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Old 03-06-2011, 07:50 AM   #25
Katigre
Rose Garden
 
Why thank you, it is naturally blue...
 
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Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

Thank you for the responses and thank you's . When I put it up yesterday I was a little nervous and wasn't sure about how it would be received...sometimes ideas sound great in your head but not so much in discussion with others.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove View Post
And, I'm sure you know as I do, that getting it doesn't mean you always are able to accomplish it We're all human and we all make mistakes.
Having a GBD paradigm in place does NOT mean that I am a perfect parent and never struggle. I'm human, I get overly frustrated with childish behavior and react, etc... Having a solid philosophy of discipline in place makes handling those lapses easier because I have a goal in sight to aim toward - it doesn't mean I don't struggle in the first place .

If it is any encouragement, I am raising second generation GBD kids* - I'm pruning along a familiar path, not blazing a whole new trail. The latter is much harder, but not impossible. I know several families who established a new pattern with their kids (and those kids are now grown and carrying it on in their own lives). It's a one step at a time process of renewing mind and thoughts, of reframing it with help and support. That's why this community is so important - I would not be the parent that I am today without the support I've found on GCM .

* Neither of my parents were raised GBD, but that is the approach they settled on with us because it seemed most logical to them . They succeeded with this the best when we were tweens and teens. (Our younger years had some typical punitive elements along with strong relational bonds and a lot of quality time invested into us).

The fruit of their mostly-GBD parenting in our lives as adults is enormous - you can see it in our self-confidence, strong work ethic, lack of shame issues, reliable character, stable relationships (healthy marriages and good relationships with our parents), and solid boundaries. That is the fruit of years of intentional parenting (not perfection ), including periods where our behavior looked rocky.

As they look back, there are things they would do differently. There are areas where they see they fell short, there are places they were too lax. But the overall picture was of loving, connected, relational parenting with high standards (but not harshness). Focusing on the relational component goes a long way toward GBD because it helps you to relate empathetically to your child. My mom is still one of my best friends to this day (with great boundaries ). She invests in me relationally as a person - not as an extension of her own image, as a project to be fixed, or as someone who is out of step with her ideas. This is something that started way back when I was a child.

Last edited by Katigre; 03-06-2011 at 08:28 AM.
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