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Old 05-05-2006, 08:17 PM   #3
Katherine
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Default Re: What do you say? How do you explain it? We should have a script!

It's a tough one to sum up, isn't it? I like JJsmom's answer.

I think my favorite short answers are:

1) that I want to disciple them. ( Most people think of discipleship as a nurturing, encouraging, teaching dynamic that happens between adult Christians... but then they hear "discipline" and immediately think punishment)

2) that I try to TEACH them in the context of a connected, mutually-respectful relationship.

3) We set reasonable, age-appropriate standards, and actively help the kids succeed at reaching the standard.

Quote:
She flat out asked me "what do you do for discipline".
I think the hard part about addressing this type of question is that it's often asked in a context which means "which punishments do you use on your kids?" I don't know if that was the case in this instance, though. I'm not good on-the-spot, but I guess if someone asked me that, I'd probably answer it with discipline=teaching in mind. So...

We try to teach what they *should* do by coaching and modeling the behavior we want to see.
We set them up for success by having age-appropriate expectations and by *helping*-- e.g. bridging the gap between their resources and our expectations when they can't meet the standard by themselves
We let them express their feelings and encourage them to have healthy boundaries for themselves and respect the boundaries that other people set.
We focus on helping them internalize principles (as opposed to demanding "good" outward behaviors) and on nurturing a respectful, connected relationship with them.
We pay attention to cues that something is not working, listen to the signals they send, and try to address any organic or circumstantial issues that are hindering their ability to succeed.
We nurture their inner person. "People who feel good act good." (ETA: I always think of Luke 6:45 when I hear this: The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings out that which is good, and the evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings out that which is evil, for out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks.)
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