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Old 08-05-2009, 09:29 PM   #43
joyinthejourney
Climbing Rose
 
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Default Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem

This thread is a breath of fresh air! Oh, how timely! I love the honesty here! One thing that's *always* bugged me about the punitive mindset is how it completely ignores the bond breakage. Yes, the discipline works. But, what are your kids learning about how to relate to YOU? You can't spank your child & honestly tell me it didn't break something btwn the 2 of you! People here admit that & are honestly trying to keep the bond intact.

That bond will be SO incredibly important when the child is a teen, on the brink of adulthood.. This is what keeps me on track. I don't want my child to be afraid to come to me, afraid to talk & be honest about mistakes & feelings. Just for the short term goal of "proper" outward behavior. That's the kind of teen who desperately loves their parents & may "do" all the right things...but is uncomfortable to tell them how they really feel. I know, bc I was that teen. Very much a "good" girl. But, afraid to ever say I was depressed.

ETA: The depression had nothing to do with punitive upbringing. They were doing the best they knew how, and we did have a very loving home. But, I do think that type of discipline set me up to feel like I must always be happy. So, when I didn't have a good explanation for why I was depressed (prob raging hormones, which I didn't understand), I was afraid to tell, bc I didn't want to worry them. I still see this when my ds isn't in a "smiley" mood. My mother will automatically worry & ask why he's not "himself" today. GBD helps me recognize that there are lots of feelings, lots of reasons for those feelings, and most of them are okay. Besides being punitive, my mom did a lot of creative things to try & help us. But, she also always tried to "fix" things if we weren't in a "smiley" mood.

Last edited by joyinthejourney; 08-06-2009 at 05:36 AM. Reason: changed "dealthly afraid" in 2nd paragraph to "uncomfortable", bc I wasn't afraid to tell, but uncomfortable to worry them
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