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Old 01-18-2010, 08:52 AM   #35
ArmsOfLove
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,644
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

when I was mired in anger (my father is uncomfortable with emotions at all--especially my big emotions ) I realized what can cause me anger includes primary emotions and physical states ignored:

hungry
anxious/nervous
lonely
tired
needing to pee
frustrated
disappointed
sad
unsure/confused
trying to think and internal or external forces won't let me (bad for an ADD mama w/ 5 children )

So I worked on identifying the *feelings* that come *before* the losing it moment. They include, for me, tension in my neck and shoulders, self talk that is mean and violent in my head, and loss of focus. The sooner I can realize this is happening the quicker I stop and take a self-evaluation.

Why am I feeling this way? What is happening?

I go through the situation, and tune into my body and my emotions, and then I address what is causing it.

And if I start to lose it, I can still catch myself and change the next moment. I am not a victim of my big feelings and no one else need be either
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