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Old 01-18-2010, 09:20 AM   #39
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsha View Post
this may be OT, but in an earlier thread, a woman said that her mother said "oh well" a lot. Well, my oldest is a DRAMA QUEEN, and I say "I don't care" a lot. I need to find a new phrase. Usually like if I say " you need to go clean your room now" after appropriate transitoning attempts becasue transitioning is difficult for her, she can fall apart and start saying stuff like "i'll just run away" or "i hate you" "you are a mean mom" blah blah blah. And I say "I don't care, just clean your room" in an attempt to focus on what IS rather than the irrational words.

Are you saying I shouldn't do that? Any attempt to validate her at those times come across as "feeding" her reasons to feel the way she feels, and Lord knows she doesn't need more reasons, kwim?
In that sort of situation I would say something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way." or "It sounds like you are having some big feelings. I love you and if you want to talk respectfully about them, I'm here."

Just saying "I don't care." may give her the feeling that you just don't care about her, not her emotions. KWIM?


Herbwifemama, Positive Discipline talks about anger being the secondary emotion. It was very eye opening to me when I read it because anger is my MAIN problem.

for more on this.
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