[Soliloquy]

Originally Posted by ValiantJoy07

Also you're in the thick of it, your kids are by no means grown ...They're actually in the toughest ages of discipleship. The preschool years are hard but that has nothing on the tweens.

This is very true and. . . the teen years can, potentially, be the hardest years of them all. And the years right after that.

Grace based parenting is something you do because it is the right way to treat people, not because it "works."

One thing that helps me, sometimes, is I imagine what I would expect from the employees at a place that took my children. Say I enrolled them in a school or a place of therapy or childcare. What would I expect of them? And I try to fill that role. I distance my own personality just a tad to give myself some perspective.

In a situation like that, there would be a daily routine with a certain amount of flexibility. Yelling and punishment would be unacceptable. But there would be consequences, also.

I haven't read this version, I own and have read and re-read the teen version of this book. The teen version is immensely helpful, though. Maybe your library has it.

Parenting a Child Who Has Intense Emotions: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Help Your Child Regulate Emotional Outbursts and Aggressive Behaviors



DBT is a sub-category of CBT. It is learning to accept that your child is doing the best she can, in her current circumstances and with her current skills set, while at the same time knowing that is it not acceptable for her to stay stuck. You accept that the person is doing the best that they can. And you help mark the path to move forward, communicating through words and actions that staying put isn't an option.

---------- Post added at 04:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:33 PM ----------

Originally Posted by knitlove

I also don't think he will agree to the just ignore things be there slave and eventually they might acknowledge you as a person and work with you.

I don't agree with that, either. That is not grace-based parenting, that is being permissive with wishful thinking.

It is very easy to fall into that, with an explosive child. I get it. The consequences to the parent and family for drawing a line are severe. The line still has to be drawn.

Another excellent book is The Loving Push by Temple Grandin.