Agreeing that being their slave and hoping they someday acknowledge you as a person is not something found in either GBD or Plan B.
If she is screaming, I don’t see a problem leaving the room to save your sanity. She’s 11, this isn’t CIO or anything. It doesn’t sound like remaining in the room helps you or her. You aren’t withholding love if you do that. I have a very loud kid, mostly happy stims and over the years I’ve become very sensory defensive with loud and sudden noises. He’s very sensory defensive to other people’s noises of course. I love my headphones.
What does your DH want to do? Hitting her isn’t going to stop the screaming, it will likely intensify it. She’s a bit old to consider spanking. What do you think would happen if you and your dd2 left the room every time she starts screaming?
What would you consider to be “working”? If she screams less? That seems to be the number one issue from what you’ve shared. Do you want to brainstorm some ways to improve that? What kinds of things have you tried to improve emotional regulation?
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