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Title: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: mom2chrisnluke on July 08, 2008, 03:35:27 PM
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OMGoodness......this is getting out of control! My middle son has been one to lash out, well now that we are all together all summer, it is getting out of control, EVERYONE IS HITTING EVERYONE ELSE! Everytime I turn around they are hitting eachother, I have tried talking with them, consequences, making it right, sitting out, going to your rooom to cool down. My middle son always has a "reason" like " he was touching me, he was snatching my toy, he tried to tell me what to do!" Well of course they are all starting with excuses! I have gone to great lengths to explain -there is no reason to hurt your family!!!!! But it seems this is not sinking in.....I need a major wake up call in my house!
DH and I do not hit at all as in spanking or anything like that, and we never have so why oh why has this become the normal response in my home? Please does anyone have any advice???? HELP!!!!
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: ShangriLewis on July 08, 2008, 03:49:23 PM
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I have three sons and they do get physical at times. Honestly it does sound like you need a call. A call to get out. I would take everyone for a long hike, day at the beach, park or whatever place that is a outside use your imagination and your body type of place. You can't punish it out of them, but you can wear it out of them.
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: Rea T on July 12, 2008, 04:57:24 AM
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Oh my goodness, I'm in the same boat. At least J does not hit back (unless pushed to the brink) but K is constantly hitting, hitting, hitting. He will just walk over to J and start hitting him. Yesterday I was trying to wash dishes. Wash a dish half way, go in and separate children, finish washing dish, go in and separate children, wash another dish half way, go in and separate children. That is why nothing gets done around here!
And then there are the fights over toys, or who gets what cup, or 'K is teasing me'. Aaargh!
I've tried getting them out to wear them out, but neither one is very heat tolerant and if we just go outside J wants to go back in after about 2 minutes. Go to a park and in 5 minutes he's begging to go home and K is screaming because he wants to stay and it is no calmer than before.
About the only good choice is the pool, which doesn't open until 1, which is K's naptime. Not to mention the gas to drive all the way across town to one I am comfortable with both of them being in.
I'll probably finally find a solution about the time summer is over. :/
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: emmalouise on July 12, 2008, 05:20:59 AM
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Argh, I feel for you. I recently saw a suggestion of punching bags and drums in the comfort corner for boys. So maybe saying "We don't hit people in our family. If you feel like hitting, you can hit this bag or bang on the drum, then come back to join us when you are ready to use gentle hands."
I haven't had to try things like that yet though, we're not in sibling territory for another few months...
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on July 13, 2008, 10:28:19 PM
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At 4 children perceive everything as a threat and a perceived threat is a real attack. Work with him on using his words. At that age I have a very strong rule that if you ask for help I will defend your boundary; if you use physical violence you lose whatever you were protecting.
Emphasize making amends.
Give them lots of opportunity to play outside and away from one another.
Limit screen time--I find it increases aggression when they get too much.
Make sure everyone is sleeping well.
And I would work very actively with your 7yo about how to respect boundaries and recognize even non-verbal cues that things are going badly.
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: Rea T on July 14, 2008, 10:01:20 AM
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Quote:
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At 4 children perceive everything as a threat and a perceived threat is a real attack. Work with him on using his words. At that age I have a very strong rule that if you ask for help I will defend your boundary; if you use physical violence you lose whatever you were protecting.
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So, scenario for an almost 4 year old and a 6 year old...6 year old takes toy away from 4 year old (or vice versa)...the one who originally had it should come ask me to have the other one give it back (and ask nicely without screaming, I presume). If they don't, if they just start fighting to get it back then the toy gets put away. Does that sum up what you are saying? What if you don't know who had it first and both children claim to have had it first?
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on July 14, 2008, 01:03:26 PM
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At that point the reality of who had it first is irrelevant. At that point an object has become more important than the relationship and people are more important than things so the thing goes away until the people are treating each other well.
Also, when the 4yo would come to me I'd ask if they used their words first. If not, I'd give them the script and send them back to tell their brother, "I was playing with that. You need to give it back to me." And I'd remind them to come get me if their brother doesn't.
At the point where they've been fighting all along I'd go with the 4yo and stand there while they use their words. And I would offer the 6yo he can have the next turn.
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: Rea T on July 14, 2008, 02:39:54 PM
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Wow, I think I just felt my paradigm shift.
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Title: Re: Hitting, Hitting and more hitting, I can't make it stop!!!!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on July 15, 2008, 10:15:13 PM
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We need a paradigm shift emoticon
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