[Petie]

Originally Posted by Mommy Piadosa

I guess I am just too much of a grammar stickler to understand this. Adding please to a command does not make it a request.
If a child does not understand something said with proper meaning, I do not start using an incorrect meaning to get them to understand, I teach them the proper meaning of a word.
If a child does not understand something polite, it is not an excuse to be rude so they understand, it is time to teach them the rules of manners.
This is not a matter of children not understanding subtlety, it is improper use of the word please to say that adding it to a command turns it into a request. I have very black and white thinkers in my house and they understood this.

I absolutely agree that there are "have to's" and "want to's" with children and that you should never phrase a "have to" as a request, but in American English, adding please to a command does not make it a request, allowing your children to think otherwise is setting them up for difficulty, because it isn't how the word is used. I see it as akin to a child still learning the language deciding that all animals are dogs, and instead of teaching them otherwise, you changing your own vocabulary to match the child's. It is doing them a disservice and underestimating the capacity of children to learn the proper meanings of language.

I have trouble with saying that it doesn't make it request. From what I understand "please" is a shortened form of "if it pleases you" or "if you please". So, if I am giving a command, I wouldn't say, "pick up your shoes if it pleases you". That, by it's very nature is making it optional. Though the modern definition states that it is used to make a request or command polite. The synonyms are "choose, prefer, suit". In placing those words into that same sentence...

Pick up your shoes if you choose
Pick up your shoes if you prefer
Pick up your shoes if it suits you

None of those demand that the shoes be picked up.



With that said, I don't choose to use the word "please" when stating something that is not an option. I posted earlier, that for me, in my home, it works. I don't expect everyone else to agree, which is why I asked in the OP whether people thought I was insane. Honestly, I like your point of view. I like seeing how others view this issue. If I didn't like seeing other's points of view, I wouldn't have posted this topic.