[PurpleButterfly]

Originally Posted by BethMarie

Wow!!! Purple Butterfly, can we Please sticky this!!!! I am all choked up reading it because it is such a beautiful scripting!! Such an amazing way to set them up for success!! I'm gonna share your response with DH and keep it in my GBD toolbox!
Awesome! Thank you!

Oh...and about how old to dc need to be before using these tools. Ds is only 16 months, is it too early to start now?!

If they are having playdates, the time to start is now. Just make sure your expectations are age-appropriate - so a 16 mo would not be expected to tell his friends how to put away toys . The younger they are, the more actively you are parenting and modeling the behaviors you want them to emulate.

Something else I find helpful probably starting around age 3 (depending on how verbal your child is) is dialoguing w/my dc the day after a playdate. I ask them what their experience was like - did they enjoy those friends or have any problems? Were there any things that they felt uncomfortable with or angry about? Do they want to have these friends over again or would they rather not for a while?

I have learned a LOT from doing this. One time it sounded like the bigger kids (7-9 yo's) were having a great time upstairs while we were right below with the babies. Lo and behold, when they left, my ds asked me to never have them over again! Poor guy was exhausted from trying to control chaos of one family w/3 kids that included a brother physically attacking a little sister, trying to open a 2nd story window (!!!!) and trashing the entire playroom (including a broken video game disc) .

All this within maybe 10 minutes! My ds said he didn't feel like he even had time to come get help. It was a terrific opportunity to validate all the things he had done so well as well as to help him learn new skills for handling a tazsmanian devil in the house should it occur again (and it has despite out best efforts because they are hidden in many families!).