[teamommy]

I don't think I can really be my kids' "friend" while they are still living under my roof. Friendly, kind, someone they can come to, yes. But "friend" implies mutual sharing and opening up, and my kids are not friends in that way. ETA: I share my feelings about certain things, especially as it relates to them and the interactions I have with them, but there are many things I would never share with them because they are children and don't need to be burdened with my worries and concerns.

Tweens can just be snarky.

OTOH, I do try to keep certain hours where I can always give them my full attention. I do tell people that call during that time that I cannot talk then (or I turn down my phone and don't answer). It is not okay for him to talk to you like that, but after addressing that I would consider (in my own head) whether he had a point and whether I was sending a message I didn't want him to have if I would escape for an hour on the phone or computer during their learning time. If I want them to learn "work before play" then I should make sure I practice that, too. Kwim?

With the comments, I just continue to point out that I am the mom and they need to respect that. This is about right:

I also don't engage when my 10 year old decides to speak snark.
"you need to rinse your dish"
"you didn't rinse your dish!"
"You are responsible for you. Your responsibility is to rinse your dish."

It doesn't avoid the grumbling but it does stop the deflecting back to me and the snark.