[GCM_Sticky]

Post by: mountainash on September 08, 2008, 09:57:03 AM

Playful Parenting:

When my son seems like he's getting stuck in a pouty or grumpy rut we use a really cheesy voice to say, "Benji...DON'T smile. Whatever you do, just don't smile. Today is a no smiling day. I don't want to see any happy faces." He must share our sarcastic senses of humor because this cracks him up every time. It seems to be teaching him that he has the ability to snap out of it should he choose to.

Bedtime is extremely playful for us and we seriously only have difficulties about 3-4 times a YEAR, so it's safe to say it's working. We start by giving a lighthearted five minute warning, "Benji, bedtime is in five minutes. Finish your snack and then we'll go read a story." Then once he's finished his snack and it's time to go upstairs I break out the most obnoxious dinosaur impression I can muster. Now I know some kids would have nightmares from this kind of thing, but my son loves to be chased by "the dinosaur". So up the stairs we go, me growling, stomping, and clawing at him the whole way, him giggling his face off. It's silly but it sure beats carrying a screaming/crying kid up the stairway. Once he's laying in his bed we read a story to mellow him out. Then we cuddle and my husband asks my son, "How many kisses do you want?" To which my son always replies, "SIX! I want SIX BIG PLASTIC kisses" Plastic kisses are what he calls it when my husband blows raspberries on Benji's tummy. I don't know what's up with my son's obsession with the number six (prolly because his best friend is six?). So he get his "plastic kisses" and then my husband and I say to each other, "Quick! We gotta run before he shoots more kisses at us." This is our means of getting out the door without crying ensuing. My son pretends to shoot us with his kissing gun and we dodge kisses as we scramble for the door. If one "hits" me, I'll say, "Ow!...Ohh, wait..that's actually kinda nice!" Or something equally goofy. When we get to the door we say, "Goodnight, we love you!" and shut the door before any kisses sneak out. I think this activity helps him to focus on our connection instead of focusing on us leaving.

Another quirky activity that works for us is "the spider". There's a Mommy Spider and a Daddy Spider and a Benji Spider which are really just our hands that we let crawl around and use in place of puppets. The spiders have soft voices so they're nice for discussing inappropriate behavior in restaurants and the like. It's a good way to get my 3yo's attention when he's not making eye contact or if he feels closed off to us. The mommy spider will do something like crawl over to Benji's cup and say, "Oh, dear! That cup is awfully close to the edge of the table, we should move it back so it doesn't get knocked over!" Then the spider will try to pull the cup back but it's too heavy so the other spiders have to help. Other times the spider will need Benji to show her/him how to do something..."Benji? I'm just a little spider, I don't know how to put shoes on, can you show me?" or if we're in a public restroom and he doesn't want to wash his hands, the spider will perch on the edge of the sink and say, "Oh! But I really just want to know what color the soap is!"

Post by: simplegirl on September 08, 2008, 06:32:43 AM

For transitions 5-3-1 works really well for us.

While I'm putting DS2 in his carseat DS1 fiddles around in the car a lot (easy point of frustration for me) so now as soon as I buckle DS2 in, I "race" to the other side of the car and see if DS1 can "beat" me to his carseat. It works wonders. This technique works for us with putting on our shoes and other things.

Post by: Wonder Woman on July 07, 2007, 04:14:09 AM

Ok, my first one involves a bit of a confession here. But I'm on a medication to control my sugar levels. When I don't take it, I get very hypoglycemic. And cranky

Yesterday was one of those times.

Jaden came into the room and asked me the same question for the umpteenth time. Instead of seeing that he just wanted attention I snapped at him.

His response?

"Mama, don't be gwumpy. Take a deep breaf. Dere. No gwumpies. I fink you need to eat because you are feewing gwumpy inside. Go ahead and get some ceweal."

I love that not only has GBD taught him to recognize his trigger points, it's taught him to see mine as well.

And I love that when I burst out laughing,scooped him up, and said 'you're right. I need to eat because I AM feeling grumpy inside,and it's not fair to take it out on you' he patted my face, gave me a hug, and said 'dat's ok, mama. I fowgive you!'

Post by: MarynMunchkins on July 07, 2007, 05:29:54 AM

Colin just asked to nurse, and I said, "I don't really want to." I'm tired, grumpy, and really sick of nursing because of the teething baby.

So he gave me a hug, and said, "Then I will just snuggle with you."



Of course, when I got him in my lap, he sat quietly for a minute and then said, "Now do you want to nurse me?"

Post by: HomeWithMyBabies on July 07, 2007, 06:39:37 AM

I love that my oldest wants to care for and comfort his younger brother. When there is a disagreement about toys, which has been happening more and more often, my oldest now takes initiative to make amends and apologize. When he hears his brother cry, he immediately wants to "help him feel better." My Dh says ds seems to have a respect for others that he doesn't believe he'd have if it weren't for GBD.

Post by: JoyInTheSpirit on July 07, 2007, 07:27:59 AM

DS speech therapist was sick and cancelled last Monday. He has special needs and is slightly cognitively delayed. He asked 100 times why we weren't going to therapy and each time I was firm that ," J is sick, she had to go to the doctor and is not there to teach you today", and finally DS looks up at me and says...." Ohhhhh, J. is sick. I can give her a lollipop and make her feel better". He was truly empathetic once he was able to understand the reason why she wasn't there.

Post by: Tami on July 07, 2007, 09:50:36 AM

GBD is a far cry from my parenting style a year ago..I am still learning so much..but the biggest difference I see is in my relationship with my kiddos. I no longer view them as "enemies" or "naughty"..and I feel so much more affection for them. My DH & I are learning GBD together, and our relationship has deepened thru our discussions. This journey has been eye-opening!!

Post by: DixieKitten on July 07, 2007, 10:06:55 AM

it's so cute when DD redirects baby sister from one of her toys and hands her another one... instead of just whapping her

i love seeing progress over time actually *working* on things instead of just reacting to bad. DD used to run away... we taught her to come for "hugs" and now she will dash straight to us.

she doesn't pass the end of the driveway, despite the warnings that she'll "never learn unless there's a bad consequence".

when she smiles and pretends to do something i said "no" to, i can see that she is just playing and learning, not trying to wrassle her way to the top of the food chain.... and set a calm boundary instead of going off.

and when we come across a new issue, i sit down and try to think of the *best* way to deal with it, not the quickest or the one that will quell "rebellion" the fastest.

there are SO many reasons and every time i post or ponder about something we DO need to work on, it's because i know that with time and effort, we can change and improve with love, relationship, boundaries and

Post by: Wonder Woman on July 07, 2007, 10:14:26 AM

I remember way back when I first realized I couldn't ever spank Jaden. It was mindblowing to my dh, because we both grew up in extremely punitive homes. However, within about 5 months and bunches of prayer (from both of us!) he came to the same conclusion - that it was not pleasing to God for us to spank. (As a matter of fact, I asked dh if he had a preference on how I spent our CafeCash, if there was anything he wanted - and he wants a GBD coffee mug for his office )

This journey has been so beneficial to *our* relationship, not just our relationship with our child. We are more patient, more loving, and more in love since we've started down this pathway.

Post by: Wonder Woman on July 07, 2007, 10:21:03 AM
Quote from: JoyInTheSpirit on July 07, 2007, 10:15:34 AM

You know, one thing I appreciate is the fact that GBD has helped me allow him space to develop his personality. For instance,when I'm upset, I want to be held. I want someone to tell me everything is ok, snuggle me, etc.

Jaden doesn't. And I'll admit, the first few times he was upset about something and he struggled and squirmed to get away from me, I got angry Because all the things I heard as a kid about rebellion and 'you'll do as I say' and 'I'm the grownup here!' came back to my mind.

But when I listened to him, he was trying to tell me what he needed. Just this afternoon he was upset because dh was going to work. He let out a yelp and then stopped himself. He said, very emphatically, 'I AM GWUMPY! weave me awone and I will go stand hewe and cawm down!' - and he did He went and stood at the far end of the room, did some breathing exercises, and came running back and hugged me and said 'sowwy I was gwumpy, mama.'

Post by: Gentle Journey on July 08, 2007, 09:03:24 PM

Well, I've sucked lately. But I really did work on helping the kids learn words so they could express their feelings. My boy always tells me he's happy or sad or angry. He also tells me when he's having a happy day or a sad day. It's so cute. I love it when he's playing and he says "Mommy, I'm having a happy day" He says it so marter of factly with a lutle nod in the head.

Post by: gentlebirth on July 08, 2007, 09:14:55 PM

Dd #1 has a tough time waiting for things she's really looking forward to, so we've developed a special song to sing to each other to help us have fun while we wait instead of yelling and crying.

Today, in the back seat of the car, when she and her baby sister was crying right before we got home, she stopped, looked at her sister and said, "Don't cry, little one!! I know, let's sing the soon song together! 'Soon soon, soon soon, soon soon, soon soon, VEWY VEWY soon!! Chachacha!!' See Noom? DO you feew better now?"

Wanted to add:

Recently, instead of yelling and crying and bopping her sister when she tried to take her toys, dd ran to dh and I and said, "Oh, oh!!! Mommy and Daddy!! I'm feewing fwustwated!! I need some hewp stopping my hands! Miwkies (milkies, her code for nursing), I think!!"

Post by: rdkkks on July 08, 2007, 09:30:01 PM

I love that things don't have to turn into a power struggle or an embarrassment. Tonite, it was time to leave church, and Kalli wasn't wanting to. I could have A) chased her down and dragged her out or B) threatened her with a spanking/punishment for not coming. But, instead, I grabbed her hand and said, "Let's hop like a bunny" and then "Let's run like horses!" and we made it out just fine with no power struggles, meltdowns, or punishments!

Post by: BlessedBlue on July 08, 2007, 09:37:08 PM

I how it's making my DD empathic. The other day we were picnic-ing at a park, and another family was there too. One of the kids was having a meltdown of sorts, and the mother was getting very frustrated. DD looked at me and said, "I 'hink the boy is tired. And the mama, too." She wanted to go give them hugs, and couldn't quite grasp why we didn't want her getting in the middle of that situation.

I also am so glad that GBD is teaching me to look at the cause of behavior, and helping my children reach the standard instead of punishing them when they fail.

Post by: katiekind on July 08, 2007, 09:53:56 PM

My favorite thing about gentle discipline is that I always felt it was the right thing to do...after I dipped my toe in punitive parenting, the Lord convicted me that I was taking an "the end justifies the means" approach, and that I should walk properly before God--and trust Him with the children.

At my kids' age, it's really impossible to say they are wonderful because of the personalities they were born with, or that they are wonderful because of the gentle discipline (for the most part) or that they are wonderful because they've been blessed to have some fundamental basics like their parents' solid marriage, functional extended family, etc, or that they are wonderful because they were homeschooled, etc.

But wonderful they are.

Post by: Wonder Woman on July 09, 2007, 04:17:33 AM

playful parenting....ah yes. One of the most powerful tools in the box - and one that I struggle to remember! It's SO effective!

you all know *the look* we got as kids? (those of you who were raised punitively anyway...) I've started using sort of the polar opposite with Jaden. When he's doing something he shouldn't, I look at him and bug my eyes out and wiggle my eyebrows. It cracks him up every time - and, like magic, inappropriate behavior stops!

Post by: klpmommy on July 09, 2007, 04:59:50 AM

I have gotten so many comments from the kiddos' SS teacher that P is such a good big brother, always looking out for E & being really sweet to her. We don't have many "sibling" issues (we have some, but overall they get along great).

I love it that yesterday at a special church luncheon that when the kids started to get antsy b/c they were done eating & someone was starting to speak that instead of getting upset I got up with the kids & left- we played in a nearby hallway where the kids ran up & down the hall in different ways.

I love it that when P gets in an obstinate mood that I can get down on his level & whisper in his ear & he will calm down.

I love it that when either of the kids is upset they want me to hug, hold, snuggle them rather than being afraid of me & their emotions.

Post by: LisaM on July 09, 2007, 05:18:08 AM

The BEST thing, IMO, is seeing how Gracie treats her little brother and other children. When Simon runs off in the library, I often don't have to say a word. She runs after him, gently takes him by the hand, and says, "This way little buddy." She does that because it's been modeled for her. I know that if I were to speak sharply to him or hit him, she would do the same. When Simon tries to get into a project she's doing, she's learned to call for help, "Mama!! Come get Simon!!" rather than hit him or push him away or yell at him. She knows that he is still a baby and that he needs our help.

I love that I don't have to think of tricks or gimmicks to get Gracie to do what I want. If she runs away from the dinner table with messy hands, I don't have to try and think of a bribe or a punishment to get her to come to me. I get off my butt and go get her. Her giggles at being caught melt any anger I may be feeling. I also love that I am FREE to giggle along with her, not feel like I have to scowl to make her feel bad for what she did. I simply use the moment to teach her something and say, "Only clean hands leave the kitchen." I am also so thankful that GBD helps to keep a clear distinction between immaturity, social norms, and sin that grieves God. God isn't offended when my kids make handprints on the sofa. I am offended and there's a difference.

I am SO THANKFUL that my children won't have memories of me hitting them or screaming at them daily. And the times when I lose my temper they will remember that their mama apologized--another learning moment. They will remember me trying to help them, to teach them. I remember being hit, I remember being shamed, I remember being screamed at. Anyone who says that kids don't remember those things is wrong.

Another huge blessing is that when Gracie starts to learn about what it really means that Jesus died for us, she will already have a working understanding of grace and forgiveness. She won't have all this baggage of guilt-trips and well-meaning but poorly executed punishment.

Post by: Myrtle on July 09, 2007, 06:52:25 AM

Ok, I have to take a different spin here, and while gbd has been great for my kids, it's been amazing for me. It's totally reworked the way I see God. Not as the lightening-bolt-ready-to-strike God that has compelled me to do things like hanging up all the clothes that have fallen off hangers on a rack at a store (even the ones I didn't knock off) b/c of the fear of something bad happening b/c I wasn't doing the good I knew to do. But now as a loving Father (and I really trip out over the word loving), and it's opened my eyes to a whole other side of who He is. It's been a growth experience of a lifetime! And I'm so thankful for how it's changed my relationship with Him.

It's also changed my relationship with other people. Try assigning positive intent to dh, and suddenly the number of misunderstandings and fights is cut in half! Try seeing the grumpy lady at the checkout counter with grace, and I don't want to complain about the poor customer service anymore. Instead, I want to offer a prayer for her, and I walk away wondering what hurt has caused her to react with such sourness. When my friend is competitive or distant, I don't automatically take it personally and get angry. I try to figure out what's going on with her, and I talk to her and work things out in a way that is respectful and keeps both of our dignity in tact. Gossip is squealched and complaints are turned around when I try to apply grace to situations. Who wants to come to me to talk bad about someone if I'm going to be assigning positive intent to the person being talked about? Takes all the fun out of it.

Now I'm not saying I do this perfectly, or even regularly, but I'm trying. And even when I don't, now I'm aware of how things could've gone differently if I had. Gentle discipline has changed my relationship with my children b/c I don't view them as the enemy, little people trying to manipulate me at every turn. I seek to understand them, and in doing so I've gotten to know them in ways that make my heart smile. But it has also disciplined me in ways I didn't expect, and I've learned and grown in so many ways that it's really effected my relationships across the board. I love GBD, for what it's taught me about God, my family, my friends, and myself.

Oh, and just ftr, I was raised by punitive parents, but they very rarely spanked and I look back on my childhood with fond memories. Even so, I'm so thankful that I ran into GCM before I had a chance to begin parenting punitively. Even with the loving parenting I received, the punitiveness (is that a word?) really skewed my view of God, and that's effected my life in many ways that grieve my heart.