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Old 05-16-2012, 08:09 AM   #38
Petie
Climbing Rose
 
 
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Location: Arizona
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Default Re: Pet Peeve #5 by my own mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasara View Post
I think this is a very valid point. I totally understand the point of not "asking" our children to do something if it isn't optional so that we are clearly communicating. But, I rarely "command" my husband to help me with something and I would be offended if he refused when I "asked". So, obviously I'm not communicating very clearly but I don't know a better way.
OK, so here's a scenario...

DH will you please help me bring in the groceries

Sure just give me a few minutes

This wouldn't offend you, right? Well, that is basically what Lala did, she didn't want to do it right then, so she said no. Since children don't have the tact that adults do, they are often expressing themselves the best way they know how, in that particular moment. That is how I look at it. Hey, my teen has already gotten to the point where when asked, he will say, "let me finish this level first." To me, the difference you see isn't necessarily being rude but an inability to be as polite as an adult.

---------- Post added at 08:06 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:03 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by magpiedpiper View Post
Now I have to think about how I always ask that Hammy say "No, thank you" if someone does something she doesn't like (ie trying to take a toy, or invading her personal space). Just a loud "No!" seems rude. Does the same thing apply here? She has a limited vocab still so I have to give her a script with words she can use.
I see saying thank you as completely different than a please. I make sure to say thank you, ESPECIALLY when it's something that the other person has to do that they really don't want to. The reason being, a thank you is a sign of appreciation that the person has done something for you. So I do see that as completely different.

---------- Post added at 08:09 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:06 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommy Piadosa View Post
Maybe I am missing something, but saying "please" in our culture does not equal a question, so please does not make a request optional. Even law enforcement use please, when asking for your paperwork after pulling over.

In my very black and white thinking grammar rigid home:

Please do abc. = Do abc now.
Will you do abc? = Do you have any plans in the future to do abc?
Can you do abc? = Are you capable of doing abc?
I want abc done. = Expressing a want, not a command or request. (response often is "I want xyz done.")
Time to do abc. = Timekeeping, not nessesarily directed at the audience. (response often is "yeah, so")
Would you do abc please? = a request

Honestly, last time I got pulled over, he didn't say please. I get what you're saying though. And if that works in your home, then that is great. My children don't get those subtleties though. They are quite subtle differences and for children that don't pick up on the little cues, those are bound to get confused.
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