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Old 04-03-2009, 03:19 PM   #64
April G
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Default Re: Discussion of "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary

Hi canadiyank... Thanks for referring me over here... Both dh and I are feeling frustrated in particular with ds' constant unhappiness about being "lonely". I have to admit I'm having a little difficulty coming up with solutions for sadness over loneliness... He already has a very full social life, and we can't provide any more social outlets at this point. So basically we need to be able to comfort, teach, coach and support without changing the situation... that's the hard part... I'm open to any suggestions...

Quote:
1. Check for safety. Move anyone or anything being hurt.
2. Acknowledge feelings. "It's ok to feel ____." (Identifying feelings gives them a feelings vocabulary, that feelings are acceptable, and that their feelings are different from actions. It's ok to "guess" at their feelings and be wrong...they're still learning and if they can tell you're wrong, great!)
3. Set limits. "And I will not let you _____." (Notice use of "and" here instead of "but," which can negate or minimize their feelings you idenitified in step 2.)
4. Offer choices. "You may ____ or _____ instead." (These are the skills you've introduced at other times.)
5. Offer support. "Would you like me to ___?" ("Offering support may be tricky. Some children want to be left alone, others feel abandoned if you leave. You can ask what the child wants, but remember that she may really not know. You may need to experiment to see what works best." p. 17.)
1. Not an issue
2. acknowledge the loneliness. "It's okay to feel lonely"
3. set limits "And I will not let you.... " what? I don't know how to set limits on this excessive crying, whining and upset over feeling lonely...
4. offer choices... I do this constantly... you can either watch a movie or visit dad in the hair salon... he isn't interested in either, and continues to engage in talking to me about how miserable he is or sits there crying.
5. offer support "Would you like me to put a movie on or get you a book to look at in the hair salon?" When I do this he says no and continues complaining and crying?

I'm really not trying to be difficult or argumentative... I'm just really having a hard time with seeing how this would play out. Am I missing something here?
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