lumpofclay

You're asking some great questions!

I only have a second right now, so I'm going to quickly reply, but I'll be back!

Let me start at the bottom of your list: appropriate vs. age-appropriate

Age-appropriate is a response that you would expect from someone based on their age. For example, I expect a newborn to cry when they are hungry, a 3 year old to whine when they are hungry, a 5 year old to (sometimes! LOL) ask for candy when they are hungry (like our 5 yo sometimes does!), and an 8 yo to fix herself a snack when she's hungry or ask when the next meal is or ask us to fix her a snack (like our 8 yo does). Now, the only responses that I think are appropriate are the ones I listed for the 8 yo. My goal is to always be working my children towards appropriate responses, while understanding that, given whatever age they are, they will (sometimes) exhibit/react with age-appropriate actions. Age-appropriate actions, although to be expected with any age, can and should still be corrected, so that the child learns appropriate actions.

Does that help any?

This, to me, is so key in understand how proactive GBD is. GBD is so opposite both permissive parenting and punitive parenting. Understanding a child, and knowing that children will still act like children, no matter what discipline style you choose, in no way means you have to live with childish behavior until the child either stops the behavior or moves out of the house! Knowing what age-appropriate behavior is simply helps you respond more appropriately, IMO, and also helps most moms & dads keep their cool while responding.

OK, gotta go run an errand with the family...I'll be back!