[Rugayatu]

Thank you, ladies! This is super helpful and encouraging.

Originally Posted by Aerynne

Part of good discipline is teaching our kids that they are more important than anything else, and that there is nothing we will not stop in order to discipline them. I think this actually makes them feel secure, even if they do not like it. I totally get the momentum to get something done, but out-of-hand kids need to be removed from the situation if they cannot comply.

Thanks for this. This was actually the issue this morning. My instinct was to remove her from the situation sooner but I (selfishly) didn't want to leave. I need to think about this ahead of time so I can approach it matter of factly instead of letting the fact that we need to stop a fun activity make me mad.

This board has been such a blessing just in the short time I've been here! I feel like I am learning SO much about how to be the parent I've always wanted to be but wasn't sure how to get there.

---------- Post added at 01:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:39 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Katigre

Ok, so in the scenario above a few ideas:
1. Before going out into the garden, verbally rehearse the rules with her and see if she'll repeat them ("Listen to mommy, step only on _______, etc... - only 2-3 rules MAXIMUM and if you can make them rhyme or in a song even better. Our 'rule' for the store is this: "Don't be crazy" and that is what DD repeats to me , but she follows it really well). This verbal rehearsal before going out is key both for setting expectations and helping her think ahead to her actions. Don't skip it!

2. You're right that you needed to get her out of the situation sooner - next time tell yourself it's a '3 strikes and we're outta here' or something like that (or make it just 1-2 times if it's a big issue that you're really focusing on). THat doesn't mean you stay inside forever, but you are setting the boundary that not respecting the boundaries means leaving the location (and I do use that phrase with my toddlers - DD just the other day yelled "DS is not 'pecting my boundawees!" ).

3. Disengage yourself emotionally from her 'defiance' - you will only drive a wedge between yourself and her and will not parent proactively if you're stuck in feeling offended/disrespected. It is perfectly acceptable to say "I am frustrated that you did not respect/listen to what I said. I want a little bit of alone time to calm down" and then take some time to calm down . That's good self-care.[COLOR="Silver"]

Thanks for this too, particularly #3. It's something I have a hard time with and definitely need to work on.