[Blueberrybabies]

Originally Posted by Blue-EyedLady

I think the problem I'm having is the part where you said "so you can lift his legs and change his diaper." If I lift his legs, he locks his knees and pushes with his feet to lift his whole body so that only his shoulders and head are on the changing table. His legs and bottom are squeezed together so that I can't actually clean up the poop. Does that make sense?

Oh - it makes me SOOOO just to think about this! I'm not mad about the poop - as they say "poop happens", right? It's the posture he uses which seems deliberately designed to frustrate me and prevent me from getting him cleaned up, and the fact that he's getting too strong for me to do anything about it.

I have to use all my strength to unlock his knees and spread his legs so that I can actually get to the poop smeared all over his whole diaper area. I usually use my left arm and entire upper body to hold him in position and block his hands as much as possible. I need to have my center of gravity over his upper body in order to have enough leverage to hold his (insanely strong) legs down. If I'm sitting on the floor, then I'm using my feet and hands (the weakest parts of my body) to hold him.

Does that make sense? I can sing a happy song all I like, but when he's screaming in my face because I'm holding him down, I feel like Mommy, the sadist. "Oh, you don't like this? You feel trapped and helpless? La la la-la-la."

I sooo understand this, as we have this exact scenerio with my 4yo. Reading your description, and thinking back to times I've had to deal with this, I can break the anger down into:
fear/panic that the poop will get everywhere/he'll eat it

frustration that I just want to get him cleaned off thoroughly so it won't make him more sore, and he won't let me and I can't get him to understand that

I will say that at this point, the arching and clamping really only happens when he's having loose poop and his bottom is sore. Away from the situation, I have the perspective to realize that his bottom really hurts and the wiping makes it worse and he's really just trying to protect himself. I keep not actually doing this myself but I think the best thing here would be to try changing standing up in the tub. That way the mess is contained to an easily cleaned place, and you could spray him off if you have a handheld shower, or pour water with a cup, both of which would be less painful than wiping.