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bolt. · 05-06-2012, 05:49 AM

I think this incident is important to teach you something critical: even when you are "nice and calm" it's not meant to be a tactic for controlling other people. Telling him "I don't believe you" is not supposed to be part of making a child confess to a misdeed -- it's supposed to be the end of the conversation, so you can both carry on with life... Without being distressed by lies. Lies are an ordinary part of childhood. The only reason to say "I don't believe you" is to show him his lie isn't working.

You could have cut out all this unpleasantness and just said, "I don't believe your words. I believe what really happened was xyz. So, because I believe xyz, what's going to happen is... Maybe remove the lock from the bathroom door, plus charge him a repair fee for the damage, maybe go to the store and have him buy repair items and/or help with the repair... Stuff like that."

His action have noting to do with computers or trucks. As for "trust"... I think trusting a child to be verbally truthful 100% of the time is a foolish thing to do as a parent. If you've lost that trust, good. Now you can have reasonable expectations about this. Lies are going to happen. It's not wise to take kids at their word, and it's fine for them to know it.

05-06-2012, 05:49 AM	#3
bolt. Rose Trellis Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,963	Re: I am very angry right now with lieing!! I think this incident is important to teach you something critical: even when you are "nice and calm" it's not meant to be a tactic for controlling other people. Telling him "I don't believe you" is not supposed to be part of making a child confess to a misdeed -- it's supposed to be the end of the conversation, so you can both carry on with life... Without being distressed by lies. Lies are an ordinary part of childhood. The only reason to say "I don't believe you" is to show him his lie isn't working. You could have cut out all this unpleasantness and just said, "I don't believe your words. I believe what really happened was xyz. So, because I believe xyz, what's going to happen is... Maybe remove the lock from the bathroom door, plus charge him a repair fee for the damage, maybe go to the store and have him buy repair items and/or help with the repair... Stuff like that." His action have noting to do with computers or trucks. As for "trust"... I think trusting a child to be verbally truthful 100% of the time is a foolish thing to do as a parent. If you've lost that trust, good. Now you can have reasonable expectations about this. Lies are going to happen. It's not wise to take kids at their word, and it's fine for them to know it. __________________ Everything written here is the musing and mumblings of an ordinary person. Even if I take myself too seriously, there's no reason for any of you to make the same mistake! Pam, 35 yo Christian for 20 y Married for 15 y Mother to "J" 8 yo, and "M" 5 yo INTJ, DYT 4, Canadian 1 more class until I'm done at Seminary Adjunct Faculty at a Bible College

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