[HomeWithMyBabies]

The way I have explained this idea to my very visual ds1 is to show him a coin. One side is privilege and the other responsibility. They go together in a balance and that is just the way life works. We talk about what he thinks I can expect, what he expects from himself, and so forth.

As concrete as he is he understands that we share resources here and we share work. I won't ask him to do more than he can but he also shouldn't expect more than we can give him. He has certain chores that are expected of him but he knows we will ask him for help in other areas. We do try to be respectful of plans he might have and allow him time to transition from something he is doing to something that is requested of him, when it is an unexpected job.

Complaining is a big issue we are working on but we have a few things that have helped. First is asking him who benefits from complaining. He knows it doesn't help him at all to dwell on the negative. We also encourage him to express his feelings in an "I feel" format but when it crosses the line to whining I will tell him he has two more complaints he can make and then he is done. Sometimes he ask me what happens if he doesn't stop at two? My answer is usually you will stop at two so why ask me that? He usually stops at one so he can save one just in case.