[MariJo7]

I believe we all have "power" and resources, but we may not be aware of them all. They may be material or mental or other kind of resources. Sometimes it is good to sit down, think and pray, something like this: "Dear Father, you have promised to give us all we need for a Godly life. Please help me see what kind of resources you have given to me in order to get a victory in this situation". And if we think we do not have enough to work with, God is there and he is willing to give us more of what we need.

I very much agree with the PP that we should set good examples in respectful behavior, kindness, love and service. In fact, I believe that is one of the things that gives us "power" and authority, not to break down or to "hold over anyone's head" but to build up, and sometimes also, to take the "steering wheel" when necessary. Like 1 Timothy 3: 13 says, "those who have served well will gain themselves an honorable position (authority) and much boldnes in Chirst Jesus" (I hope my free translation is ok, my Bible is not in English). This scripture deals with the Deacons in the church, but I believe we all can take it as a promise. Sometimes we seem not to have much, humanly speaking, but if we have "served well" where ever we are, God sees it. He will give us boldness and authority in order to do what needs to be done.

Unfortunately, respect does not always automatically come to us from other people, even when we have been good examples and we actually "deserve" better. I believe that momaich, who wrote the original message, really has done her best. She deserves to be respected by her husband and children but they do not give it to her. In such situations, it may be necessary to stand up and to start to "pull some strings". Sometimes respect has to be "reinforced" a little. Sometimes you have to shake the apple tree, so to speak.

I lived about 15 years with a husband who did not respect me. Oh, he said he did and he said he loved me, and he probably even did love me, but I was treated disrespectful, ordered around, criticized all the time, interrupted all the time, not listened at...I'll spare you the particulars, but I was not happy, I felt like a doormat and I could not understand why. I so much tried to be an "obedient and submissive" wife. Why did God not bless me? I guessed it was because there was something wrong with me. I probably was not submissive enough...

Things changed when I started to work a job, just in order to help to make the ends meet. I did my very best to earn some money and to please my employers and clients...and I became very good at my job . For the first time in my life I received genuine appreciation and recognition for my contribution and real respect as a professional and as a co-worker. And real pay checks! I loved it and decided: "This is what I also want at home! "My work in those days was mainly cooking. I thought by myself: "At home, I cook at least just as well as here at by job. Besides, I do many other things. I want to be treated at home with the same respect as at my job!"

I started to bring in some changes little by little. Some changes I just bluntly and forcibly "executed", like having my own bank account for my own income. We had one big, big fight about it, but I insisted on it, and for a good reason. My husband had a very nasty attitude about money: Everything I had or got automatically belonged to him. He felt free just to grab it. Everything he had was "of us both, of course", but it was all behind his back. I was not prepared to live with that any longer so I considered it worth a fight. And it was ! With other changes I was more gentle, I guess. My message towards him was, however: "I'm happy to help, to serve, to contribute, to support and everything, but I'm not to be taken for granted any more. My help, my support, my money, my cooking, my house keeping, my hospitality for your friends...are not to just there to be "grabbed" by you."

These changes started to take place also about 15 years ago. It has not been easy, but things have gradually improved. Today I almost have a new husband even though it still is the same guy. It is a kind of funny: He so much was against of women having a job or an academic career or women telling their opinion straightforwardly or being in any leading position. Now I'm doing all those thing, and he is so much nicer and more respectful than ever before.

Is it genuine respect? Or is he just behaving better because he is afraid I won't cook or wash his clothes or pay my share of the bills? I hope, and I have the idea, it is genuine respect, but even it would not be, I would call improved behavior a good start. You know, often a change of attitude begins with a change of behavior . And in any case, my life has become more liveable, more satisfying and happier in general.

Dear momaic, it is God's will that your kids learn to speak respectfully to you. Absolutely! And because your husband is not a Christian, it seems to me that you are now the "oldest and the wisest" in this situation and also closest to God's resources. May He be with you all the time and give you everything you need.