[Petie]

Originally Posted by TenderLovingWillow

I honestly don't remember there being any options.. If there were, we were given two choices. Would you like Pizza, or Spagetti for dinner?

I think I kind of do both... Or maybe I am doing the same thing...

I usually say, Son, put your shoes away please. I guess I don't really need the "please".. But it still sounds like a command to me.

But if I said Son, will you put away your shoes please? I would consider than a choice..

What say you all?

Personally, I wouldn't be able to discern. That is probably why I avoid using "please" unless it is optional. I have trouble with picking up on subtle clues sometimes, so I try to make sure I follow what I would like others to do for me. I try to teach my 15 yr. old, and he does really well, these are our guidelines for avoiding confusion....

Make your expectations clear (don't ask when you mean to tell, make sure they know what you want, make sure you say it clearly in a language and tone they understand)

Respect their abilities (don't ask Simon to take out the 20 pd. trash)

Answer even the simplest question (yes, sometimes questions are used to stall for time, but sometimes they are honest)

For me, I prefer if people take these same principles with me, so I try to use them with my children. I don't just say, "pick up the toys", I say, "pick up the toys and put them in your toybox". Expectations are made clear. If I say, "please pick up the toys and put them in the toy box?" I feel that is unclear, it sounds like I don't care one way or the other whether he does or not.