[marbles]

I have threads like this asking about my son. Part of it was he was really looking for the boundary, he wanted to be challenged, he wanted to find the place where we would be done with him or something I don't know. But we worked together on strategies, like if we were out and he refused to cooperate I would set a timer. However long he took from the family by throwing a fit and refusing to buckle up or something he would pay us back. We found ways for him to express his feelings without hurting anyone or anything, and directed him to those when he was close to a meltdown. We had him.clean up anything he ruined in his fits. And we did LOTS of talking. We learned that as soon as we turn it into a battle of wills, we lose. We had to be ok with him "winning". Even sometimes saying that, like hey congratulations, you discovered I cannot stop you. Is this outcome worth it. He is so much better at handling his feelings now at 8. I wish I could say there's an easy way to fix this but in our case there wasn't. Lots of work that looked and sometimes felt like giving in. I had to make myself stop and evaluate why I was doing what I was doing and what I wanted to say to him about him in that moment. Someone on here once talked about it like a dance. Find your part in the dance and just stop. For a while, they'll keep dancing, but if you can keep yourself from joining in, they'll stop dancing too.