[Virginia]

Originally Posted by expatmom

Actually parenting teens is very different then working with them. I know; I work with teens and now parent teens. A lot of the confidence I previously spoke with has been moderated by life experience as a parent.

If your mindset is to ban, that is actually in direct opposition to openness. I don't parent from the mindset of what can't my teens do and how do I stop them. Our household isn't rules based. The OP posts regularly on how to keep track of her teen and how to prevent him from making choices she wouldn't. That is a rules based approach and it shuts down communication. In a very short time a teen becomes an adult. I parent from the approach of giving maximum choice and self autonomy with a huge safety net of mom. I want my kids' boundaries to be driven internally by their own convictions. We talk and talk and talk. Sometimes they do stupid things. I treasure the fact that when they do, they will come to me and tell me and look for my support or assistance.

Snapchat is a dumb app. It will have its life and then another annoying app will take its place. I remember when my eldest was plagued with msn messenger problems and we parents railed against how awful it was. Does anyone even know what it is now? Our kids are going to see and hear things on this world and need tools to deal with them. Banning an app sends the message that we don't trust them to deal with crap and I think that a 15/16 yr old needs to be developing/practicing those tools. I am grateful that my dd who is away at uni had a few years to practice at home with me for support.

Did I imply teaching teens and parenting teens were the same? I don't think I did.

I'm just saying that parents can have open relationship with their teens but still not allow them to have some pieces of technology (for me, it was AIM in high school). I feel like you implied (and perhaps I misunderstood) that the two couldn't coexist, and even though I may not have parented teens yet, I don't think that's true.

I don't think parents who say, "You may not have Snapchat" or "You may not have Instagram" don't have open, trusting relationships where they talk about stuff Perhaps their philosophy is just that they want to have boundaries, they want their teens to be in the world but not of the world, they don't want to have their teen be susceptible to sexting and getting genitalia pictures sent to them- whatever the reason, I do not think it means they don't have good relationships And I thought that is what you were implying. Forgive me if I am mistaken

ETA: If the OP has a different parenting approach than you do, I think that's ok It also means that perhaps your approach works for your household, which it sounds like it does but it wouldn't work for every household.