[saturnfire16]

basically there are two types of ppl: one type can get the anger out and rid of it by physical activity, it can by just running, but it also can be punching, slapping, whatever, while processing the anger, thinking angry thoughts basically. i have never met a survivor of abuse or a current/recovering addict who was this type
and another type, who may initially feel better while getting it "out' physically, but in the end only feels worse, and may become out of control, etc. I'm def. this type.

Irene, wow! Thank you! You just created an ah ha! moment for me.

it really helps to become vulnerable at that time. this took a long time to learn, b/c i had to keep repeating to myself that i am safe now, where i am now it is safe to be vulnerable (i have not been for the first 17 yrs of my life) so what you'd see is my getting really and then taking a deep breath, verbalizing the hurt that is under that and starting to cry.
Which is *really* helpful to ds b/c mad is scary, and sad he can understand: he messed up something i was working on, and now i'm sad, that makes perfect sense to him. Plus, sad he knows how to work with: bring mama something nice, give mama kisses, etc.

This is the part I'm missing! I don't know HOW to be vulnerable. I don't cry. Well, recently with CR and a miscarriage I've broken through a little of that. But it's a whole different story when I'm in the heat of the moment and angry. I don't know how to turn that to vulnerability. It's hard for me to even look past the anger and recognize that it's coming from hurt or sadness, let alone express that.