[CelticJourney]

Originally Posted by mamacat

This child has lost her beloved mama. And now it likely feels like she is about to lose hr daddy. she doesnt want anyone else to try and be that to her which is why she only accepts that from her dad right now. You have got to. Got to. got to establish love relationship of your own with her before anything else. Choose battles and issues carefully. Are the legos on blanket really that important? Wording is important too because her heartbroken self is resisting any directive from you that is you being a parent to her. For now would not set her up for those kinds of scenarios. And ceratinly not tell her to go to her room or carry her there . Because the issue isnt about the legos. If you see legos off blanket or something else would suggest redirecting whole activity. Reminders not to touch at museum can be given w/o consequences. And with her reminding her that the museum doesnt want anyone touching anything in this area. connecting with her on some common ground is paramount. Even finding one thing you can do together . Asking her if she woud like to make cookies and what kind. things like that. It is different than a child of your own testing boundaries. Different dynamics

So much this You can't parent this child like you would your own.

Sending her to her room will only emphasize the isolation and loneliness.

And legos on the blanket is a high expectation imo - they don't set properly on fabric. As she said above, you are going to have to pick your battles and seriously consider your expectations in balance with this child's heart.

I highly suggest getting some professional advice about 1) helping children who have suffered a loss 2) step-parenting and 3) combining the two.

Lost my dad ten years ago as an adult and it still hurts, can't imagine this child has healed in any serious ways in such a short time.