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Old 08-29-2020, 06:04 AM   #79
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 10,796
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Default Re: I thought grace baised parenting would show fruit

Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I don't recommend Facebook pages or groups at all for this kind of situation. They can be great for getting recipes, I guess.

My thought is that sou need a book, website, or video that will help you and your dh write out a plan that you can both agree to and that you will follow every.single.time.
I also avoid fb parenting groups. But I TBI k the important part of what Soliloquy wrote is EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It is exhausting, yes.

There is nothing wrong or graceless about saying “If you scream at me I will walk away. I love you and will come back when I can see you are ready to be respectful.” If her room is the place for her to rant and rave fine. I would keep all kindles and books in my possession until the day is done. That eliminates that. And then when you hear she has calmed “I heard it get quiet. Are you ready to move forward?” I wouldn’t even praise or try to talk it out at that time. It is likely to trigger more outburst. If she is creating a negative truth for herself in the moment no need to point it out. A “I understand you are feeling that way.” And then let it be.

You mentioned she gets all fatalistic if she is five minutes behind or something like that. What is going on that she is aware of the time? If you are at home I would run by pattern and routine not time if it’s a trigger.

Personal boundaries are really important as children progress into adolescence and adulthood. It shows them you are a person Independent outside of Just mom who can be thrown all the ugly and hard because she is mom. We can still help them through the hard stuff while expecting to be treated decently.

A note about counseling it can take a while for some kids to talk whether in person or by tele health. It took almost 6 months before my middle child actually started to talk to her counselor. The counselor was helping but my child seriously would give one word answers and we also discovered some of the lack of talking was a struggle with self reflection. Said child deals with anxiety, depression and just skirts the clinical standard for official ADHD.

Parenting explosive anxious children is exhausting. But their anxiety demands that they know where the edges of things are.
Mom to 3 teens.
Wife to 1.

Waking daily to walk humbly and trust.
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