I know with my DD, who is a real spitfire, it is her personality. She is stubborn and likes to take control of situations (and at 4 she doesn't always take control appropriately). After lots of struggles and trying everything I could think of to control/change her behavior (including things I said I would never do
)...I finally realized that it is just who she is. I'm not saying that what she is doing is appropriate and I continue to just repeat XYZ is not acceptable or whatever and she is slowly getting it.
Over the last couple years she has gone through many phases (very looooong phases), but I can see looking back that she came through them because of our consistent words and actions.
It's still a struggle every day with whatever the challenge that she currently faces, but I know she will come through it and we just have to be patient and consistent with her.