[Petie]

Originally Posted by MaryPoppinsIAin't

I have spent twenty minutes trying to reword this so it doesn't sound snarky, but I can't seem to pull it off without changing what I want to say, sooo... Not being snarky, promise!!

Maybe it's just me, but I've always thought that most adults don't give kids near enough credit. Thinking that a toddler who is taught that instructions worded as commands are exactly that, commands, and instructions worded as questions are requests (ie, optional) will obviously grow into an adult who can't tell the difference between a friend's request and a boss's (or a cop's) politely worded instruction kinda seems up there with more mainstream folks who see a breast-feeding toddler and somehow extrapolate a breast-feeding twelve year old.

I'm still working on how it would all look in practice, exactly, but it seems to me that it should be possible to teach a child to be polite (and that parents always have the option of "no", while kids don't always have the option) while still telling when I mean "do it now" and asking when I mean "it's okay if you're busy".

The best teachers I ever had always established the rules, THEN eased up on the strict observance of formality. Taught the basics before things got complicated. Not the greatest analogy, but... identifying an instruction that was worded as a request seems like a secondary skill... so they might need to learn the primary skill of id'ing and following a plainly stated instruction first?

I didn't take it as snarky. I do understand what you're saying. I think what really gets me though, is knowing that saying please isn't helping and yet turning around saying that there basically isn't any time when a child can say "no" to an adult. This is how I was raised which may be why it hits me wrong to see it happen in my own home. I have noticed that many here have ways that their children know the difference. Mine don't, and for that matter, I have trouble with the difference. It does make life hard when a boss asks me nicely to do something, and I feel that I HAVE TO SAY YES. I was raised that when an authority asks, that is the same as an order. So, my job consisted of me doing every single volunteer job that there was, "hey would you mind taking on the grocery shopping for the shelter". "Yeah, no problem." And I find myself lugging two shopping carts that are overflowing through wal-mart to get enough groceries for the shelter. "hey, can you come in on Saturday to help fix the bunk beds?" "Sure, no problem." And I end up going into work on Sunday with blisters on my hands and exhausted. I don't want my children to be the kind that don't know when to say "no". I guess we all have our own pet peeves, which is why I listed this as MY pet peeve. I understand that others won't see it the same, or have ways to differentiate. But saying that because my children understand communication in my home only is also faulty. They go to school, I'm sure each of their teachers has a different method of communication that they learn from. But in our home, if it is phrased a request, "no" is an acceptable option. This bothered me because it happened in MY home. After explaining it to my mom, she has adjusted how she deals with the kids.



P.S. I also definitely didn't mean for this to come off as snarky, I hope it didn't.