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Old 07-18-2006, 09:57 AM   #18
Chris3jam
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Default Re: I need to say a few things about the idea of defiance

Quote:
I would be doing some major character training I would be reading stories with morals, talking about consequences, sitting with them and setting consequences and then imposing them. I encounter this with my 8yo. I do try to remember that 8-10 is *pre* logic so they are *starting* to get it--not totally getting it yet. And I totally see the difference in what it looks like when my 8yo does something as opposed to that same child wen he was 7. Ames and Ilg does have "Your 8/9/10 year old" because these are still very foundational developmental years.

Thjis is the time I'm talking to my 8yo about the man he wants to become. I'm talking about developing good, Godly habits. I sat and talked to him about how God wants him to honor his father and mother because it makes things good for HIM--not for me. That I want him to honor me because God wants him to honor me because, like God, *I* want what is best for HIM! We've talked about what is sin, we've talked about how he was born with a sin nature that inclines him towards wanting to do what he wants but God wants him to learn how to live a holy and Godly life and that means not pursuing that sin. One example I've shared before was when he, a few times when we were out, sneaked food he had been told was not for him. The time he did it in his aunt and uncle's home and she told me (she wasn't upset because it was food for the party but she was concerned because she knew he wasn't supposed to have it and she said when she walked into the room where he was alone he jumped, looked guilty, and then threw it away saying he was done and getting rid of it" So I took him outside and we sat for a minute and I confronted him--speaking the truth in love. I told him that I knew what he had done, and told him what he'd done, and asked him to admit it which he did. Then I explained what sin is--that impulse he feels to do what he wants even when he knows not to. I asked how he feels when he gives in to that--we talked about feeling dirty in your heart because you have done something wrong and need to hide it, how it separates us because he is worried about me finding out. I prompted him with questions, talked about parables and teachings of Jesus.
Well. . . .we do that. It looks *very* much like that at our house -- until we get to the 'asking forgiveness' part. I even use shows on TV to discuss things. Movies that are good for us were Disney's Little Mermaid (and I read them the original story, also, in which she dies for her disobedience), Finding Nemo, books like Aesop's Fables, the Greek and Roman myths -- things like that. Hercules was very good. .. .how he gave his life for another (or tried to). The pull for them seems to be way too strong. They'll even say that they couldn't help it (I believe them). . . .but will *not* accept that they could try. But, when I tell them what we need to do to make amends or ask forgiveness or some such. . .they will actually scream and try to run away! And I do not believe in forcing apologies.

I need to try and think about an example. About what was done, and then what I did about it. And then maybe you can tell me why I can't get through to them . ..why I'm failing. It's got to be in some detail I'm missing. . .. . .
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