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Old 03-23-2007, 08:58 PM   #28
canadiyank
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Default Re: Discussion of "Dealing With Disappointment" by Elizabeth Crary

Chapter Four - Self-Calming Tools

Here they are, folks, the chapter on self-calming tool! She suggests children have one tool per year of age. When they are younger, physical activities such as running or jumping are often more helpful, although they need to learn more and different ones as they grow older. There are six groups of tools: physical, auditory/verbal, visual, creative, self-comforting, and humor.

Physical Tools Using large muscles can reduce restless energy and help a person feel calmer. These are activities such as running, dancing, swimming, jumping, etc. Small repetitive mv'ts like hitting a pillow can actually increase stress, but it is better than hitting a person, and can be used as an intermediate step to other tools. I.e., start with hitting a pillow, then shake out feelings, then calming breaths. For some children mv't excites them further, so you can use a technique called "Putting them together" (put your hands on the sides of their shoulders or hips and firmly press together. Eventually the child will learn to do this by hugging themselves. I think this is very similar to the bear hug).
Auditory/Verbal Tools Crying or screaming comes naturally. As they mature and develop language and a feelings vocabulary, they can begin to communicate what they need more clearly. Talking about what upsets them may help some children calm down, or other tools such as soothing music or rousing music to reflect their inner turmoil, or starting with dramatic music and gradually changing to calm music.
Visual Tools Watching swaying trees, reading a book, reflecting inward or outward. Some children can do this in the presence of others and some need to be alone. (This is a primary tool for me - I need to be alone and I can calm by reading a book, resting, journalling, etc.)
Creative Tools Usually involves repetitive hand mvt's such a stringing beads, knitting, mashing play-do, drawing their feelings, etc. The child needs to have some skill in the activity so doing it doesn't add more frustration.
Self-comforting Tools Sucking is a self-comforting tool (Ah! I was right, although I missed it the first time. Nursing. She says a pacifier...). Oral activities such as chewing pencils/hair etc. are self-comforting but there are many other ways such as getting a hug or back run, bubble bath, curling up with a good book (here I am again, lol), lounging outside, drinking a cup of tea, eating a bowl of chicken soup or a piece of chocolate.
Food can help people calm down in two ways...1) When people are hungry, they are often more easily upset (so true around here...using the HALT acronym - hungry, angry, lonely, tired, can help a parent help the child), and 2) carbs increase the serotonin level in the brain, which enhances mood. Some parents object to using food for comfort, but you can model healthy habits such as a piece of fresh fruit, tea with honey, or sipping a bowl of soup.
Humor Tools Books and videos can be used to introduce humor. Exaggerating the situation to the point of ridiculousness can help (a la Playful Parenting, I'm thinking)...you should model this first in your own frustrations so the child understands what is happening and doesn't think you are making fun of him/her.

(That's the end of this section - there's more to the chapter that I will post at another time).
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