[sweetpeasmommy]

I mean that second paragraph is pretty much what PDA looks like. The problem is hard to solve in their mind, so they avoid collaborating on it. [emoji51] When mine starts listing all the things that have upset him ever, I just shove food at him and come back later. That is one of his hangry signals and I can’t reason with that.

Trying to think how to “side door” collaboration. [emoji848]I think it helps when you see something went well like how she solved her schoolwork problem on her own the other day, or if you have a day that getting started wasn’t awful and then mention that you liked that and ask what she thinks helped make it easier that you could put in place so it’s easier in the future too. I try to have a few suggestions (not necessarily that he will like lol) because he tends to freeze with open ended questions on the spot like that and can’t think. But once he hears my awful ideas, then he’s motivated to push back with some ideas of his own. [emoji23]I give him space to think about it and then check in after 20-30 minutes. You can’t let it go too long or it will be gone forever. Even if you don’t necessarily get an agreement, I think the process helps and he will often decide that whatever thing isn’t really that big of a deal after all, like please don’t make go through all that again. Lol

For anxiety, we’ve done the things and they weren’t all that helpful. Except meds and then he didn’t really need therapy after that. He already learned the skills he just couldn’t access them until we got his brain chemicals more balanced.

Try to find the lagging skill here. For C, reality not matching his unspoken expectations has always been huge and most of the biggest meltdowns have been about that. It’s a LOT better now that he’s older.


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