I have this same conversation all.the.time. :bangshead
DH will "ask" Monkey to do something, then get mad when she says no.
You made it optional dude. what did you expect?
It baffles him that the kids are more compliant with me than with him. But, it drives him absolutely crazy if I try to suggest a different way.
My mom has that same mindset as well. I think it has to do with the way that she was raised - children did not have the option of saying no, so the politeness was just a curtesy. She definitely has the mindset of "Do what I say, when I say it, without attitude or questioning, just because I said so" - (DH and I sometimes struggle with residuals of this from our childhoods as well
)