Teacher's aid here needing some help :)

Sorry this is so long, I am at a loss as to what to do. I am a paraprofessional working with a smart and sassy six year old Kindergarten girl. I am her primary helper for about 30 hours per week. This child comes to school with a ton of signs of neglect and abuse (these issues have been reported appropriately). I have been with her since the beginning of October. She has an IEP and receives speech, OT, daily pull-outs for reading and math, and is a part of the behavior program. I don't want to put labels on her because I'm not a professional, but I see signs of ODD and attachment issues.

The first 10 weeks I was with this girl, I had a very structured and consistent approach and by Christmas, she was doing AMAZING. When I first went into the classroom, she was self harming, rolling on the floor, running and skipping around the class, jumping up and down, and escaping to the safe place all of the time to get out of work. She refused rest time, couldn't stay in her chair at her table for longer than one minute, and would scribble on all of her assignments. She was mean and bossy to her classmates and acted like a little dictator... had no friends.

I spent the first week observing her and trying to gain some trust, and then I started on one issue at a time. The first thing I did was stopped punishing her by making her go to the safe seat (which she sat in several times per day). I use positive redirection and try not to say no or stop, but rather instruct what the appropriate behavior looks like. I used a three-fold procedure-- telling her the expected behavior once and then counting to five in my head. Telling her the expected behavior again and then waiting another five seconds. Then, I would say in a calm voice, "You've been told twice to sit up and now I'm going to help you sit up in three-two-one." I would gently guide her body and tell her this is what it looks like to sit up. I would praise every time she sat nicely on the carpet during reading (sometimes I could just praise her quietness, other times just her hands in her lap). I would also give positives to the other kids when they were being good models and she would often follow suit so that I could praise HER behavior.

I found ways to be positive even if her day was horrible, for instance complementing her hair or telling her I liked the colors she was choosing on her work (even if it looked like skribbling to me). Within 10 weeks, she was doing better behavior-wise than some of her peers. She went from being taken to the behavior room multiple times per day to once per week. She made several friends as I helped her to script appropriate phrases to use when wanting a playmate.

Christmas break happened. Things are far worse now than they have ever been and I am at a loss. She is back to all of her old behaviors and has added some new ones. She laughs at me when I give her instructions. She tells me constantly that she hates me, I'm mean, and that I need to go away... She doesn't want me touching her at all, although I have always used touch gently and with a warning. I am trying my best to respect her. I have come up with several strategies to help her with homework that don't require touching. My problem now is, I have to help by touching her hand sometimes during handwriting and she starts flailing and has slapped and hit me. At this point, I have to gently restrain her so that she doesn't harm me or others (I have had training to do this).

When she is angry, we do breathing and stretching exercises, I let her squeeze my hands or a teddy, tell her we can talk if she needs to, etc. If I take her to the safe place to calm down, I stay with her and talk it over after one minute...

I am trying SO hard to be positive and gentle with her, but her classroom is like one giant nitpick session. Kids just can't be kids in there. The teacher often uses punitive discipline. If they play with their shirts, they are called out. If they sit on their knees, they get called out by name and told to stop right away. There is a lot of punishment: getting recess withheld, taking away play center time, getting sent to the safe place (sometimes for TWENTY MINUTES).... Since I'm in charge of this kiddo, I try my best to not allow this to be done to her. Her behavior is AMAZING in library class where the teacher practices positive discipline and complements her for her great behavior. Kids aren't singled out in there and everyone behaves very well.

The teacher is also inconsistent and gives her choices she is not ready to make (letting her out of rest time or story time to do letters and sounds if she wants, even though she's cranky and could take a two hour nap if we let her). Teacher thinks this is an easy way out since girly is loud and disruptive in nap/story time due to it not being a routine. Letters and sounds turns into a jumping and running away from me session in the hallway. She will not sit still to do the letters and sounds and I think it's because she's exhausted. I can get her to take a nap very easily, but the para she has on my lunch break cannot. I fold her blanket so she has a boundary, tell her to lay down, block her view of other classmates, and pat her back. She's out cold in under 5 minutes.

I just feel so MEAN lately because I have had to restrain or block many times this past week to keep myself and others safe. The behavior room would like me to threaten to send her there when she disrupts (which gets her out of work and is a punishment). The teacher wants me to withold iPad time. I have tried these methods and she gets worse.

One of the biggest things that worked before which is not working now is practicing positive behavior over and over. Now, if I ask her to go back to the door and practice walking instead of running, she will just run over and over, stick her tongue out at me, play with the light switch, etc. I have tried holding her hand to practice, but then she jerks from me and doesn't want to be near me. I need other ways to show good behavior that don't require the practicing, I think.

Sorry, tons of things are in this message.... suggestions? Are there any books I can read? I'm in love with Karen Purvis and have watched many of her videos. I want to learn more and more. I don't want to use punitive methods. How can I be consistent, loving, and understanding? I really really love this girl.