Colored on the church walls!!!

[wildswede]

Originally Posted by mamacat

Sounds like the big feelings you were having was all about the dynamics with you and relatives rather than about what happened with son.

Yes! This is a whole lot of it, I'm still very much working on not allowing my family's opinions or comments get to me. My mom feels very offended by my following through on my wishes to parent with gentleness and respect... she actually mentioned once how much she was hurt by how she was parented and wanted to do things differently, she wound up getting overwhelmed by the behaviors of children and the push from church and family to be harsh and I don't think she's very proud of some of the things she did while my sisters and I were growing up. She has calmed down a whole lot since DS came along... so has my grandmother. However, she still seems to feel that my decisions are a direct commentary on her parenting, doing things so differently must mean I think she was a terrible mother (her words). It is stressful. I probably would not have been so frustrated over the whole business had we even been in, say, a community center or family home with the same group of people. The fact that it was the church and my family's opinions were far more upsetting than the fact they drew lines on the walls!

[Stefanierose88]

cant add anything else but wanted to say I understand what its like to have judgmental family on this issue. I think you did the right thing across the board.

[CelticJourney]

Something to be very aware of in this dynamic is stress. When my nephew died, my mother was making some bad judgement calls (nothing major, just not thinking things through) and I had to keep her stress in mind and make an active decision to keep my kids first in my concern.

Holidays, funerals, anything at their church where they are concerned about appearances and you will need to parent first, participate second.

[mamacat]

That is a good point. 2 five year olds together can be uh very creative