New to Gentle Mothering! - Page 2

MariJo7 · 12-16-2014, 05:32 AM

A biting ring or toy sounds a good way to prevent biting. And if he bites anyway, it may help a great deal if you give the most and the immediate attention to the one that is bitten. If he bites another child, the bitten child should get immediate attention, comfort and compassion. If he bites you, and your husband or another adult is nearby, you should be the one to be comforted. You can discuss the matter beforehand with those other adults. But preventing biting is probably more important.

Hermana Linda · 01-13-2015, 08:00 PM

So, how's it going?

01-30-2015, 02:02 PM

We've moved on from biting to throwing temper tantrums... He throws toys, food, whatever is near him and screams when he doesn't get his way. The terrible two's really are terrible!
He knows he's not supposed to climb on the table, but he climbs up anyway while I'm making lunch or occupied with the baby. When my hands are full I'll tell him to get down while he refuses. I'll get up to deal with it and he starts to get down, as soon as a turn around again, he goes right back up, watching me the entire time. It's so frustrating and several times I've been to the point of tears trying to get him to just LISTEN to me!

Hermana Linda · 01-30-2015, 02:08 PM

Sent by Tapatalk from my phone

Kiara.I · 01-30-2015, 02:53 PM

Have you considered changing the rule and making the table an allowable climbing object?

Next: Never issue a command you cannot physically make happen. So if your hands are full and you won't be able to get him down, DON'T SAY IT! You could try to entice him down instead ("Hey, DS, want to come get a slice of carrot?") but if you tell him to do something but are not able to enforce it, then he learns that he can choose to NOT do what you say. You see?

And, he's discovered a fun game. I climb up, mommy gets me down. I climb up, mommy gets me down. Yay!

So if you want him to not climb up again the instant you move away, you need to get him involved in something else FUN before you turn your back. If it's more fun than the "mommy fetch" game then he might not climb the table for a few minutes. Maybe.

01-31-2015, 10:52 AM

Oh my... mothering is so hard! My mom was all about spankings, time-outs, and other punishments... it was effective for respect out of fear, but it didn't foster a loving, open relationship for later when we were rebellious teenage daughters. I desperately want to be different! I don't want my kids to be scared/angry at me all the time because I react out of anger or trying to force them to do what I need/want them to do!

Honestly, it's really hard to change my way of thinking from being raised in the traditional "punish first, ask questions later". It never crossed my mind to make the table allowable and instead of discipline, redirect. At first I was frustrated that he wouldn't listen to me, now I'm frustrated that I can't make these connections with his behavior and adjust accordingly...UGH! I'm so tired and so frustrated

12-16-2014, 05:32 AM	#16
MariJo7 Rose Trellis Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 2,065	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! A biting ring or toy sounds a good way to prevent biting. And if he bites anyway, it may help a great deal if you give the most and the immediate attention to the one that is bitten. If he bites another child, the bitten child should get immediate attention, comfort and compassion. If he bites you, and your husband or another adult is nearby, you should be the one to be comforted. You can discuss the matter beforehand with those other adults. But preventing biting is probably more important.

01-13-2015, 08:00 PM	#17
Hermana Linda Administrator "air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 51,857	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! So, how's it going? __________________ My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God

01-30-2015, 02:02 PM	#18
uttermama Guest Posts: n/a	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! We've moved on from biting to throwing temper tantrums... He throws toys, food, whatever is near him and screams when he doesn't get his way. The terrible two's really are terrible! He knows he's not supposed to climb on the table, but he climbs up anyway while I'm making lunch or occupied with the baby. When my hands are full I'll tell him to get down while he refuses. I'll get up to deal with it and he starts to get down, as soon as a turn around again, he goes right back up, watching me the entire time. It's so frustrating and several times I've been to the point of tears trying to get him to just LISTEN to me!

01-30-2015, 02:08 PM	#19
Hermana Linda Administrator "air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 51,857	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! Sent by Tapatalk from my phone __________________ My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God

01-30-2015, 02:53 PM	#20
Kiara.I Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West Posts: 12,922	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! Have you considered changing the rule and making the table an allowable climbing object? Next: Never issue a command you cannot physically make happen. So if your hands are full and you won't be able to get him down, DON'T SAY IT! You could try to entice him down instead ("Hey, DS, want to come get a slice of carrot?") but if you tell him to do something but are not able to enforce it, then he learns that he can choose to NOT do what you say. You see? And, he's discovered a fun game. I climb up, mommy gets me down. I climb up, mommy gets me down. Yay! So if you want him to not climb up again the instant you move away, you need to get him involved in something else FUN before you turn your back. If it's more fun than the "mommy fetch" game then he might not climb the table for a few minutes. Maybe. __________________ ENTP fits me to a T, though it took me forever to figure it out! DYT Type 3, Enn. Type 1 (hold that thought...enneagram crisis...might be a 7!) Sparks (9) ; Spitfire (8); Sprite (4.5)

01-31-2015, 10:52 AM	#21
uttermama Guest Posts: n/a	Re: New to Gentle Mothering! Oh my... mothering is so hard! My mom was all about spankings, time-outs, and other punishments... it was effective for respect out of fear, but it didn't foster a loving, open relationship for later when we were rebellious teenage daughters. I desperately want to be different! I don't want my kids to be scared/angry at me all the time because I react out of anger or trying to force them to do what I need/want them to do! Honestly, it's really hard to change my way of thinking from being raised in the traditional "punish first, ask questions later". It never crossed my mind to make the table allowable and instead of discipline, redirect. At first I was frustrated that he wouldn't listen to me, now I'm frustrated that I can't make these connections with his behavior and adjust accordingly...UGH! I'm so tired and so frustrated

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