hoping it gets better...

[OnAMission]

This post made me count. I'm in my fourth year in a row of at least three children four and under Only a couple months left and then dd2 will age up to five to make a total of 3 years and 3 months of chaos.

A few things that have helped me, although I still feel a bit a lot of days:

1) Finding things for myself. That has looked like different things at different times. Sometimes it's been committing to running a race so I have to train for that. Sometimes it's been walk for 15 min in the evening when dh gets home. Sometimes I go to Panera for 45 min to an hour on Saturday mornings all by myself and read, journal, pray, etc.
2) Reading here about all sorts of things
3) Figuring out specific problems we are having and finding tools and resources to address them, usually starting here. The Ames and Ilg books about child development, parenting perspectives (Grace-Based Living by Crystal Lutton, Families where Grace is in Place). I just finished "The Explosive Child" and wow! I am so inspired and filled with new tools for dd2 and I! We do lots and lots of scripting here to teach siblings how to get along and also how to speak to adults.
4) I really like the Theology area here on gcm where I can read respectful discussion about all sorts of topics, try to figure out where I stand, and mostly be inspired to read my Bible a little more... even if it's just a verse or two. There are some amazingly wise women on here
5) DS1 is my outgoing, crazy kid. We have found some dramatic things that he enjoys - lots of dynamic classical music (he loves Dvorak Symphony No. 9) - this fall it has been Phantom of the Opera. He can sing most of the Phantom parts from Act 1 while pacing on the couch and scowling
6) Trampolines with some loud music is excellent for those energetic kids, as is as much time outside at their pace as possible!
7) As counter-intuitive and difficult as it is, the times when I feel the most "get away from me!!!" are the times when it is crucial for me to pull them in and engage them for a few minutes. And then they leave me in peace after their cups are re-filled

As much as I am in the trenches myself, I can see glimpses of what it could be like someday, and those moments, though few and far between, inspire me to stay the course. Hang in there!