I need help with my 3 year old

[Psyche]

Who doesn't?

She is just screamy all the time. Always has been. And is so vocal.

Here is a real life scenario that is more or less repeated no matter where we go. Some days are okay and others are bad and I'm at a loss.

We go to Home Depot. She doesn't want to sit in the cart. We tell her then she has to hold hands. We get inside and she starts loudly demanding dh let her go. He says "you understand you have to stay right next to me like last time? If you run off I will either hold your hand or put you in the cart". So after a bit she runs off. Then throws a fit about hand holding. Then when I pick her up, throws a fit that she wants daddy. Who is trying to figure out what kind of lumber we need. And it's all a variation of that.

She's refused babywearing for over a year. The long and short is she doesn't want confined but lacks the self control to stay with us. And she won't be leashed either. And when thwarted hollers about it like we're abusing her.

Are there strategies I'm overlooking? Are we doomed to not running errands as a family? Should I just take her to the van when she starts to act that way without a second chance?

[Amber]

Have you tried bringing a snack for her to eat in the cart? What about engaging in games, like I Spy, while out? Singing songs or playing finger games to keep her occupied while in the cart?

I tend to take a pretty firm line. Knowing that she has a history of running I wouldn't give her the option of walking without holding a hand. Screaming would mean either DH or I taking the kid out to the car to take a break while the other one finished up.

[ValiantJoy07]

Originally Posted by Amber

Have you tried bringing a snack for her to eat in the cart? What about engaging in games, like I Spy, while out? Singing songs or playing finger games to keep her occupied while in the cart?

I tend to take a pretty firm line. Knowing that she has a history of running I wouldn't give her the option of walking without holding a hand. Screaming would mean either DH or I taking the kid out to the car to take a break while the other one finished up.

On arrival we lay out the choices and what will happen if she is loud.
I bring snacks and do not give the option of hand holding: ergo with snack bag or cart with snack bag. If she yells we leave and wait in the car. Snacks generally solve the problem as long as it is just one errand.

[DahliaRW]

Choices that are non choices. "Do you want to sit in the cart and have Daddy push you or do you want to sit in the cart and have mommy push you?" Or, "do you want to sit in the cart and snack on goldfish or do you want to sit in the cart and snack on apple slices?" The child feels in control, you get the same outcome regardless of the child's choice.

[MariJo7]

Does she want to go shopping together? If she really does, I'd give her the choice between shopping in the cart or waiting in the car with the other parent. But is it possible she does not like shopping together at all? That would make matters a little different. Is the cart comfortable to sit in? Could it hurt or something?

[MrsDuck]

I totally agree that if she is a runner, walking along side would not be an option. Screaming would mean back to the car with whichever parent doesn't need to be in the store the most. Clearly reminding her of expectations before going in can help, too.

Curious if this happens in physically small stores, like little mom & pop shops, as well as in big stores like Home Depot or major grocery stores. I heard somewhere that the crazy tall ness of big stores can really bother little ones, resulting in them acting exceptionally difficult. I can ask my friend about that if it's something that might be playing into it.

[mamacat]

You are not doomed but for a season try to not do these sorts of things with her.Giving her the choice as others have said and if it still isnt working resort to one parent in car thing for THIS season

[lisa]

I appreciate you sharing about your 3 year-old daughter. What just popped in my mind was an idea about bringing a small music player with you to the store and play her favorite songs to sing along to, while you are shopping. She can ride in the cart and your family can sing together in an inside voice.

This may sound like a unique idea that one may not see very often in public, although I imagine it may bring a smile to those around you and I wonder if it might engage your daughter while you are out as a family.

I also like the snacks idea.

I hope you might share what ideas you've tried and if any of them worked for your family.

Best,
~Lisa

[Psyche]

She likes to shop. She started crying at bedtime that she wanted to go to target. Lol.

We don't often go to very small stores as things tend to be more breakable there.

I think at the end of it she sees her brothers walking and wants to walk too. And lacks the self disciplon to be able to handle it.

I really appreciate all the suggestions. <3

[Codi]

I noticed you told her she had to ride in the cart, then when she didn't want to you said ok, but you have to hold my hand. Then when she didn't want to hold hands you said, ok then you have to stay right by me. I think just being really good at holding whatever the boundary you put up will be super helpful. my newly 3yo only gets the cart option unless it's a very small store that will be a very quick stop and it's not worth my time to grab a cart.

I like the idea to offer choices that aren't really choices suggestion.

[JoannaV]

"When your brothers were your age they used to ride in the cart."

[mamacat]

Yes it is much harder when they have older sibs and want to do what they re doing but arent "there" yet. Would try to shop stores that have those doubkle kid seats and maybe one of the brothers would be her cart buddy?.or maybe she could have a hand holding buddy each time in the store? My older kids were always great at helping with toddler and under set in stores.She probably gets bored in HD

[ShiriChayim]

Would it work to have one of her brother's hold hands (or the leash) with her? That was what ended up working best with Dynamo. Our system ended up being that she needed to walk nicely with a brother or with a parent (her choice). If she couldn't do that she had to go in the cart. If she screamed she went to the car. She ended up deciding it was worth it to get to stay in the store and hold her brothers' hands to walk nicely. The added bonus was that it gave my Warrior and Poet added responsibilities in the store and encouraged THEIR good behavior.

Total side note but I cannot believe that T is 3 and running away in stores!!!! She's still just a tiny little one in my mind

[mom23sons]

At 3 it wasn't an option for any of my boys to walk beside me or hold my hand.....prepare ahead of time what your expectation is. Tell her before you leave the house, on your way there, when you get there ect. I always liked finding a cart in the parking lot and transition them from car to cart......it just seemed to flow better, esp with more than one child.