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11-05-2011, 12:09 PM | #46 |
Rose Garden
.thankful.
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: MN
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I need to try this...but I loooove sleeping in to the very last minute, and cuddling with my kids in bed in the mornings. It's definitely more important that I start my day out right though. I suppose that means I need to go to bed earlier, too, which means it's cutting out some of my "me" time that I treasure and try to stretch as long as possible before I drop dead from exhaustion around 1am.
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11-05-2011, 12:11 PM | #47 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I think yelling is forcing people to hear your side since my triggers seem to be when people are being particularly dismissive of how I might feel about something. Mommy might not like having crackers smashed into the carpet - if it's a thought they're not willing to have on their own, it's so tempting to force those words into their heads.
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11-05-2011, 12:16 PM | #48 | |
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
Quote:
It's kind of like getting on the yelling train as it gets started going down the track. When it's slow you have the option of jumping off, but if it gets up to speed, the only thing to do is hang on for dear life. |
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11-05-2011, 01:15 PM | #49 |
Rose Garden
"You are on the path...exactly where you are meant to be."
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I struggle with yelling also
It's gotten better since I realized that my biggest trigger is low blood sugar, but there's usually at least one time a day when I'm tempted to yell. I don't always actually yell, and it's getting easier to resist the more I practice, but support is wonderful!
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Barefooting through life with dh (2003), dd1 (11/05), dd2 (7/07), dd3 (11/09), and ds (8/13). Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any views or opinions presented in the above posts are solely those of BarefootBetsy, the GCM member, and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of anyone else in the entire world. |
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11-05-2011, 01:40 PM | #50 |
Rose Bouquet
I really do love my kiddos!
Join Date: Mar 2011
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I became a yeller when I moved spanking off the table. That was a HUGE wake up call for me that I was finding an outlet for my feelings in spanking. Now I am struggling to keep my mouth in check. The suggestions here are very much appreciated!
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11-05-2011, 01:51 PM | #51 |
Climbing Rose
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I need to be here too. Good to read all the suggestions.
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11-05-2011, 02:23 PM | #52 |
Moderator in Vegetarianism & Veganism
Arrange whatever pieces come your way. ~VW~
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I have been yelling more lately. I know it is linked to our stress. our life is a mess right now. I keep letting things go because I can't handle stuff. My husband is starting to recover from a really bad depression. I am at the end of whatever was holding me together.
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11-05-2011, 03:28 PM | #53 |
Administrator
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
Somehow yelling vents all of that pent up emotion in a most satisfying way in the heat of the moment. And then we regret it deeply. So it sounds like we need a way to express our big feelings in a more healthy way than yelling. Hmmm. Ideas?
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11-05-2011, 07:45 PM | #54 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
Quote:
I "know" that's not true, or gentle parenting wouldn't work, so can someone please explain it to me? |
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11-05-2011, 08:12 PM | #55 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
Quote:
For me a lot of it has been about control. It helps to remember the best way for me to stay in control is to control my emotions and temper. I'm the grown up and I can choose how I react. I also remember modeling. Children learn by seeing much more than they learn by being told. If they see you choosing the right way of handling your emotions they will learn much better than trying to make sure they KNOW. These are things I try to remind myself and they help
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11-06-2011, 11:23 AM | #56 |
Rose Garden
...sometimes I can't see it for the trees
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I have so many triggers it would be hard (and embarrassing) to list them all. I'm really just waiting for my excommunication notice from the AP/GD club.
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11-06-2011, 11:42 AM | #57 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
In Scream Free Parenting, the author says that often we yell because we're upset about something and everybody else isn't. Just like ThreeKids wrote. If I'm mad and frustrated and the kids are giggling, I need to take a deep breath and think about what my real goal is.
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11-06-2011, 02:05 PM | #58 |
Rose Bush
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
Okay I've been embarrassed to post here but so many other brave ladies have gone before me and just writing it out helps me be accountable.
I was a prospank propunitive parent for a long time. Honestly, now, I don't care what others do. I mean, God carried me through my own trials, I feel bad for the kids but I have faith that He is big enough to restore His children no matter what they go through. I feel bad for parents who are disciplining without disernment or faith though- because I know that can be a very lonely and difficult place... And I feel horrible for parents that don't have all the tools I've found. As parents we need anything we can get! I yell when I feel like I cannot control outcomes. I yell when I feel like I'm not being taken seriously. I yell when my kids are not hearing me. I yell when I've lost my temper (which I do struggle with but is worse relating to sleep and meal patterns) I yell when I am in pain. I yell when I'm frustrated about something else. I yell when I'm overwhelmed. I yell when I'm spiritually hurting or distant from God. When I decided to move away from the punitive parenting approach, yelling was the only "tool" I allowed myself to still use. It wasn't "as bad" right? But it is bad. I know that. I know that the effect of yelling can be even worse than physical punishment. I find that many times in life, focusing on where you've gotten it right is the key to getting it wrong less. So I'm also going to think over why I have times that I yell less, and I'll be back to post on that!
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A career student at 'God Is Still Growing Me' Techincal College Jointly enrolled at 'Amen To That' University My husband is active duty Army. We had three kids in thirty one months. Fortunately I've kept them all alive and mostly healthy Even the stressful days are blessings and/or struggles that we've overcome! The next generation of perpetually in progress humans: Darrell(Dec2006) Jonas(April2008) Katie(July2009) |
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11-06-2011, 06:08 PM | #59 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,480
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I keep seeing this 'control' word. WE ALL KNOW the only person you can control is yourself. We are NOT in control of your child. If you're trying to be in control of them you're just exercising your frustration muscle. You can't scream them to sleep, scream them to eat the food they should eat, scream them to do their chores better, scream them to develop into adults faster than they are going.
Here's another thing I've found that works. I've seen dd yell at ds1 while trying to teach him something. I always tell her you can't teach him by screaming at him. So before you scream again, think of the last time someone screamed at you. Think how bad you felt about yourself think how you felt about them ....think about the mistake you were making. Can you even remember the mistake? Does how badly you felt about you and them cloud the whole issue of what was happening? For me it does....when I really focus on how I felt (and I was an adult so I could process with lots of experience) The next time you start to scream, take that extra two seconds think about how you felt.... Screaming at them is not going to make them stop being immature or teach them faster.
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11-06-2011, 06:49 PM | #60 |
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Re: Yelling Support Thread
I struggle with yelling too, and i'm working on it. thank you so much everyone for being so honest, i can relate to so many of you, i think even all of you on something or another.
Thank you all for the suggestions, i'll be getting these books (hopefully from the library) i wish i had more time to read. |
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